Growth Changes Relationships: Knowing When Everybody Can't Go

What happens when growth requires you to leave behind familiar people, environments, habits, and mindsets?

In this powerful episode of Everybody Can't Go Convos, host Stephanie Jessica Holley is joined by special guests Mellissa Thomas and Guy A. Holley for an honest conversation about the realities of personal growth, faith, relationships, entrepreneurship, and the difficult decisions that come with pursuing your purpose.

Together, they explore what it means to outgrow your current circle, how to identify the people assigned to your future, and why some relationships are only meant for a season. The conversation dives deep into the emotional side of success, including the grief of growth, setting healthy boundaries, developing a strong identity, and navigating seasons of isolation without losing yourself in the process.

Whether you're building a business, writing a book, pursuing a dream, healing from a loss, or simply trying to become the best version of yourself, this episode will encourage you to trust the process and embrace the growth that comes with your next chapter.

Because sometimes, the hardest truth to accept is also the most freeing:

Everybody Can't Go.

www.EverybodyCG.com

www.everybodycantgo2.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

And we live. We live live. Happy Wednesday and welcome to another Everybody Can't Go Convo. It is our great big, big, big 100th episode today. So welcome in. Um, that's why we're going early today. I know that uh a handful of you guys, y'all like staying up with me on the the late time. I'm not gonna say the late night hour, but it'd be some folks' bedtime when we usually get in here for and everybody can't go convo. I see my girl Mel just popped into the room. Hey Mel, what's going on? What's going on? Nothing much. So glad to hear from you. So glad to see you. And thanks for jumping on with us, real quick, while we get started on our 100th episode for today. So, what you guys can look forward to uh during this evening, uh there will be a few people that'll be popping in who will be uh who have been past guests, people who have been impacted by the pod, who will be popping in to share some some wisdom, impart some knowledge. So uh, Mel, you are of course a fan favorite around here. And so uh you have been an integral part of the um everybody can't go, the book becoming the brand. So, what does it mean to you for the the book to become the brand with the work that we've done over the past few years here?

SPEAKER_01 1:28

Oh man, like this is amazing to me to see the growth of the brand and to now experience the release of the book too. Like, and seeing the brand grow before the book even showed up, like that was that was powerful and very telling. Like it clearly the message was needed in the marketplace. So I'm super proud of you, super excited and honored to have been part of the journey this whole time. I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_03 1:56

Awesome, awesome. Uh, thank you for that. And yes, speaking of talking about how the the book became the brand in the first place, you mentioned that like the the brand actually ended up being available to you guys and dropped and everything before the book became available, which tonight also doubles as the the official virtual launch party for everybody can't go. The book is finally here. It's available for you. You guys can find this on uh you can order it at www.everybody can't go the number two.com. So I'll drop that on the on screen for you guys just shortly here. I'll get that on for you to be able to click so that you can access your copy. It it was a long time coming. The book itself was actually, well, as an author for my portion of it, the book was actually finished quite a while ago. And then during the book writing process, we were able to start working with building the brand out itself. This is where the uh this is where the the uh the podcast came from. This is where the workshops uh have come from over the years. So this is where we we have the Write the Vision journal was born out of the book. The Write the Vision workshop was born out of the book. So all of these things have come from writing the manuscript and being pushed and pressed by one of our very much loved and esteemed coaches that the book isn't where everything was going to was going to stop. So that's where, you know, I always tell you guys coaches need coaches and to make sure that you get one. So this is what it looks like, and and this is what this is what happens when you are working with the best in the business when it comes to your book coaches that you see right here on screen with you, and when you are working with your personal and professional development coaches so that there's someone there to be able to tell you, like, hey, the book isn't where this thing stops. There's there's a whole brand behind it. And to be able to talk more to you guys about how I'm able to put the information out in the world, put some of the wisdom out in the world. And we have joining us also on here, um, this cousin guy, y'all. Another fan favorite over here at Everybody Can't Go Convos. Now, what's wild about this past guest, Guy and me have the same last name. He spells Holly right with the EY, right? But cousin Guy is actually not even related to me. We met in the UOU mastermind, same as myself and Mel. And it's like, oh hey, y'all know each other. And I'm like, nope, but we cousins now, and here we are years later.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

Absolutely. I I didn't back the slavery. That's what it is. We came over on the boat and got the last name of Holly. I found that out for real, for real, though. Like, for real, for real. It's uh a couple of sets of Holly's, and uh there was a slave owner like about 50 minutes away from where I live at. Had the last name Holly, and then that's where it all came from. But congratulations, it ain't about it ain't about that last name. It is about the last name. It ain't about my last name, it's about it's about yours. Congratulations on 100 episodes and you know, our our behavior styles sometimes and allow us for that level of consistency. So, so congratulations to to to adapting and doing what the work that you're called to do. Super excited for you, sis.

SPEAKER_03 5:48

Thank you, thank you. So, now since both of you guys are in here, I'm gonna flip-flop back and forth. So uh I just wrapped up on a question a bit before with Mel. So for you, uh guy, what is one relationship, habit, mindset, or environment that you had to release in order to step into your next level? Because you know that's what we're all about over here in the everybody can't go camp.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

That's a tough question. What's one relationship? Say that one more time for me.

SPEAKER_03 6:19

Either a relationship, a habit, a mindset, or an environment that you had to release in order to step to your next level. When was one of those times when you realize that everybody can't go?

SPEAKER_00 6:30

Yeah, yeah. It's actually right now. Like uh, you know, since the the injury had a had a brain injury, and it was like, okay, guy, you keep everything in your head, right? You have not like fully documented uh your processes, and so that stifles your business to actually to being able to grow. Um, it all depends on you, not the system. And so since March, I've been working on taking the ways that I work on grants, the ways of process and how I do things, and really mapping them out. One to deliver when I educate better, but then two to build a system and a tool to help others that one to help myself when it comes to the clients I'm serving, but then two to be able to package that up and allow others to be able to use again my brain that has helped us to know how to get over a billion dollars in grants. And so now we're putting that all inside of a system and tool to be able to help others faster with the process. And so for me, I had to give up keeping all the thoughts in my head because I didn't want to write it down. I didn't want to go through the process, the slowness of methodically jotting out how I do everything to saying, no, this is critical because if not, everything dies when my brain dies. So, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:53

Okay, that's real good. That is really good. So, you guys know when I started the journey of writing Everybody Can't Go, it stemmed from personal experiences that that I had on my own and the lessons that I was able to extract from the life changes and some of the growth that I had experienced. And uh, I don't know, it just seemed like people will always be like, Oh yeah, just go talk to that girl over there. And then I became the everybody can't go girl, which like it's like, oh, the relationships around me, things are changing. And I'm like, look, it's supposed to. Because when you are, when you are being intentional and deliberate about your growth, whether that is personal, professional, within your business, within your spiritual life, any of that stuff, it is always, always, always like you're putting in the work for a reason. And so things are gonna have to change, you are gonna have to change. And honestly, the people around you, they will receive you differently as well. And that's not just in personal relationships. That's not just with your friendships, that's not just within your family. The people within your business who work with you and for you, the clientele that you work with, those people are going to change based upon like how you are showing up, based upon your growth, what you're bringing them, what you're doing. And um having a first for a front row seat to seeing your growth over the years, um, especially within business, like my non-existent hat, but my hat's off to you for that because it's been nothing short of amazing and also inspirational to be in like be in the midst and rolling with people who also are on a growth journey and are dedicated to it because we know it it sounds good to be like, yeah, hey, because I'm growing, I'm changing, I'm I'm doing the things. And it's like, okay, that's cute. We everybody want to be the girl walking up the steps at the beginning of every year. And sometimes that growth and those changes, it doesn't come at the top of the year in January. To be realistic, that thing, it comes and it pops up at any time, anytime a change is needed, anytime it's uh time for you to make a pivot.

SPEAKER_00 10:24

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 10:25

And uh so, Mel, I'll kick it back over to you with asking the the same thing. What has been one relationship habit, um, mindset or environment that you have released um throughout your process of uh building your business as we've been like over the years refining and building out the um the retreat and the writer program? Like, what has that looked like for you?

SPEAKER_01 10:50

What's interesting is for me it's it's developed gradually, but essentially it's the getting rid of the fear of speaking up, using my voice, and the fear of bothering people. You know what I mean? I don't it might have been learned behavior from childhood or something, but at this point, like I am 100% confident in what I'm doing and the direction I'm moving in, and the direction the direction like you, me, and our our national treasure candice, like the stuff we're building is is amazing. And thanks to Myron Golden, who all three of us follow, like this dude broke it down in such an eloquent way when he talked about desire and the fact that our desires are valid because they're from God, like the word desire literally means from the Father. So it's like well, this is the assignment. I'm well aware of my assignment, I'm walking in it, and God has sent me incredible people to make the assignment happen. So now I can speak with all the confidence in the world. And I know it takes eleven touch points for people to even register that you're you're talking to them, you know what I mean? Like for people to pay attention. So I'm like, hey, I'm gonna keep talking. Like and probably louder, so yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:15

As you should and as you must, honestly, as we must, because there there have definitely been times where I've had to take a step back and had to uh, you know, uh take time to to reset and regain momentum and different things like that, but just knowing that our voices are needed, and that's one of the things that that you talk about all the time when you encourage us to write the book, encourage us to, okay, the book is written and you've done the thing. Now make sure that you actually get it out there. Go on other people's podcasts, not like if even if you don't have your own, make sure that you're going places saying, Hey, this is the thing, I've done the thing. Check out the information that's here. Here are some other supplements. There are other workshop opportunities, opportunities to get in the room with us live and do different things. And without, I would say without using your voice, because that that really hit for me, you would think, for me being a flight attendant, a pilot, like that I'm just like, oh my gosh, yes, all the time. But I mean, I I kind of was on the same type of time with me thinking, well, I'm just gonna write the book. And then I have two other ones that I'm just gonna write, and then I'll go on Oprah. Hey, Oprah girl, hey your girl alone, I'll send you your copy. But like, I'm like, yeah, I'll just go do some interviews and I'll I'll talk when requested. And that that was my plan. That was my idea. I was just gonna leave it as is. And so that in itself, I feel like is a really powerful message to so many people because that message, that specifically, is literally why we're here right now, today, on my pod. Because the podcast, it it wasn't a it wasn't a thing. It wasn't the idea, it wasn't the starter, it wasn't the brand. This is where all of what you guys see every week, this is where it started. It was with the book. And that was part of the the delay of the book actually coming out was because I was uh encouraged to make sure that all of these other pieces were set in place. That I didn't just say, oh, hey, you guys, you can grab a copy of the book and then you're waiting to hear from me again or waiting to see me again. And someone let me know, like, hey, this book, this is this is some heavy stuff. These are some heavy lessons in here. What if people need to hear from you in the interim? What if people need to hear from you later? And I'm like, well, I'm that I'll have I'll have something on my website where they can contact me for booking. And it's like to a certain degree, so that I can serve you guys better. That's not good enough. That's not good enough. The podcast had to be a thing, and so that I was more available and more readily available, and so that you could access me on your own time, if and when you need it and if and when you want it, so that you could so that you would be able to refer back to some of the things, some of the lessons and stuff that we we've talked about over the past three years on the pod. And I mean, I tell you guys all the time, even if the the episode is not applicable to you at the time, congratulations and good because you, you know, you're either past it or you are not uh in the midst of it any longer. But please believe all of the stuff that we talk about over here, if you are committed to success, if you are committed to growth, if you are committed to making sure that the vision that guy is giving you for your life, that you are going to see that thing through and you're going to build it out, this stuff is coming. If you if you haven't overcome it already, it's coming. And some of the it's it's not a question of if, it's when. But so let me see. Y'all know I got a bunch of show notes.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

Jess, can I can I add to that?

SPEAKER_03 16:17

Yeah, yeah. Jump in here.

SPEAKER_00 16:19

Yeah, one of the uh one of my uh books I listen to at night uh that that helped me to calm that helps me to calm down, like just from the day. Um it talks and it's it's like God's voice speaking to to you individually. And one of the things online that popped up as we were talking about this level of growth, the times of you know, us wanting to be, you know, where we want to be, and then the but the processing that that has to happen. It's mentioned that sometimes the best growth like in plants happen in darkness, right? And it's the time where it's unseen, like plants sometimes grow better in the dark than they do in the daylight. And we have to for us, we do have to go through those levels of darkness for us to be able to grow to where we need to be. And all of us have experienced a level of darkness in our journey since we've known each other in the last three years, like some significant things have happened. And so we yeah, I'm really recognizing to not battle it, to not try to run back to the light really quickly because it it feels safe. Like, no, if we are believing we're in the hands of the Father, then we are in the best position, whether it's dark, whether it's light, whether it's rugged, whether it's it's smooth and easy at this time, because he is the Prince of Peace. Like, even in the midst of the storm, even in the midst there, like he was already in a state of peace. And so as we're continuing this journey, we have to be reminded that we we have the person that's always in a state of peace living inside of us. And so let us adopt that because we're able to face every situation and circumstance that we come uh come across because he is here with us. So I had to just say that because it just really I had to write it down so I didn't forget it, but yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

That's really, really good. Uh yeah, that's that's big facts. And y'all, y'all know, I pop in here and I will have a couple of points that I want to talk to y'all about and and reminders for things that that I want you guys to make sure that you get out of the episode to make sure that you get value. But like the it's it's everybody can't go convos for a reason. Y'all know I be in here learning right with y'all, okay? And sometimes even have to run back, excuse me, run back my own episodes for stuff like what you just dropped, God. That was like, that was good. And you know I'm gonna text you, like, hey, send me the, send me the name of the book so I can go ahead and add it to, yep, so I can add it to um to my audible list. And uh this is like having people like you guys in in my circle in my midst, like it's it's important to the growth and maintaining the growth because like well one, we weren't created to do it all by ourselves and alone. And everybody can be strong by themselves all the time. And sometimes it takes the people around you to pop in those reminders and to bring in those additional like gems, those additional pieces of wisdom, folks to be able to come in and and give you guidance. Y'all know I tell y'all coaches need coaches. I ain't out here telling y'all like, yeah, you should do this with your life while I'm out here just uncoached. This is the company that I keep. This is who I make sure that I stay around so that I'm able to stay encouraged, so that I can make sure even when I'm not being encouraged, uh, well, not being encouraged, but when I don't feel encouraged, that I know that I have a soft place to land. I have folks that they like, okay, well, God said, and I'm like, oh, did he? Okay. And it's like, you need to refer to, okay, that's the that's the thing. And so like there's a a multitude of resources and it's I especially people resources, I will say that, that I definitely tap into on a regular basis so that I mean, even for me, when things are not going the greatest or when things are not, they're not necessarily going well. As I've talked to you about you guys about before, yeah, you get to see me for one hour per week. You get to see me for the one hour that I'm able to be put together. These are some of the people that in the background are helping me to work through some things so that I can actually, you know, tell y'all what the lesson is so that you guys are able to enjoy a podcast that does have gems in it and it's not just a rant. Because y'all know why we go on a tangent from time to time. But there it, I mean, I'm like, why why rant with no point? You know what I'm saying? Because that's why we're here to make sure that you guys are able to grow. And look, Jessica don't hurt for free. So get if I gotta hurt, one of y'all better cash in on what I done learned, okay? Because I don't, I don't need all the hard lessons for nothing. And I know Guy and Mel, they they get an earful out of me all the time. And and you know, vice versa. They already know what to hit me up for. And I'm like, oh, it's the last minute, like right right now. Hold on. Hold I will not hold my water, but I mean hold my beer, hold my water. I I'll send that to you in 20 minutes. Or, you know, uh, what's the what's the deadline? I got you. And so I really uh appreciate you sharing that and um like letting the people in on a bit of like what goes on in the in the personal and in the background. So I got another question for actually for both of you guys, since we have moved into um like talking about uh the people that are around and um Talking about like when you are in that that dark space that you do you like growth comes from that if you so choose. And I always tell you guys, you get to choose when and and that's a that dark space, that's another one of those if not when it I mean it's not if it's when. Like there are going to be those dark times, there are going to be those times that you do need to remember that you you do have people who will support you, people who will will help pick up some of the slack for you. And some of the like, I mean, really, all plants have to grow in the dark at some point because the seed is buried in dirt. And it's hard to remember that when you are in the midst of going through something or when things are dark for you. So, like, God, I really, really appreciate you like bringing that out and and shedding some light on it. And so um, my next question for both of you guys how do you know the difference between the people who are assigned to your future and the people who were only attached to your past as you've been experiencing, you know, your uh your individual growth journeys and sometimes your collective growth journeys with with others.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

To be honest with you, the people who are assigned for my future, I don't know that we can necessarily tell that because we're in the moment. The only person that we're gonna hear that from is God Himself, because he already knows who he's sending into your life for how long. And then in terms of the people who are only meant to be attached in your past, they're either already gone from your life or you now know that you're gonna have to let them go or go low contact with them. At least that's that's been the experience in my life. Like the folks that were only there for a season, nine times out of ten, they left. Like, I'm somebody that's loyal by nature. Shout out to shot to my groundscrew. You know what I mean? Like, we're we're loyal people by nature, we love the people who love us, you know what I mean? Um, and when I say that, it's not from a place of shallowness, it's simply that we care. Like, it is within our nature to care for people. So the the majority of the folks who were attached to my past, they did leave. For the folks that I had to I'm pointing to your sign right now, where I had to realize that everybody couldn't go, I went in low contact with them. Like when I I expressed my boundary clearly with them and then went low contact.

SPEAKER_02 24:41

Yep. And how about your experience, guy?

SPEAKER_00 24:44

Yeah, so I'm gonna do the low contact first because uh there is a level of believe that there's a way to do it, right? There is a I've done it the unhealthy way. So I I did it the unhealthy way because we were it was my first time in network marketing, right? Like really involved in a process of you know what you're it was like you're either for or against us, which I see that was a bad philosophy at that time, but it caused me to to lose friendships. What I saw it was really they were trying to apply the everybody can't go method philosophy, but it was done on in an unhealthy way. I like what Mel T you know shared of you know, putting the boundaries on those conversations, putting the time that you've spent with those individuals in place, the conversations that you're having with them. Um, and so for me, I grew into a level of having better discernment, right? Um, it does come from God, but he helped me to understand that no, they're still people, they're still your family, they're still your friends, but you can't spend 12 hours with them because I need you here, learning, growing, absorbing. Yes, it is different because you are the only one. You're the you've always been the forerunner to go out into these spaces, and that's okay. It does feel uncomfortable, but I need you out here because I gotta get something through you. And what was crazy because I was that forerunner and they weren't coming with me, I did feel alone, right? I didn't I was around a whole bunch of new people I didn't know, but he helped remind me that they needed to see you, they needed a belief model that it was okay to be out here to step out that zone. Uh, and then that level of discernment helped me to see that these new people around me here are the ones I need you to be attached with. And one of my stronger gifts is being able to identify uniqueness and individuals and then bring them together for a collective cause, right? For a collective focus, which helped me to hear when Mel T was talking inside the mastermind, which helped me to see Sean and you know, and everybody that's on the Access Grant team to being able to come together together to help us to deliver and to grow and to do the work that the vision that was put inside of me, the desire that that that's inside of me. And so again, first is discernment, and then two is you know learning to set those healthy boundaries, exactly what um Mel T said, because again, you know, even in this season, there were times where people were here for a short period of time, but then they okay, it was cool. It was time for us to separate and part ways, which is which is also fine. And I think the other level for me personally, and Mel, I think we we're both from the same wavelength, because it is a level of loyalty as well, like um that comes up because I don't want I am loyal as well as and I am loyal, and that loyalty can sometimes stop us from wanting to set those new boundaries, even in a new in a group that's there for that season, and they're not it may not be there forever, but in that particular time, they were important for their assignment. The one story that's popping up in my brain, Judas was important for the assignment of Jesus, even though he knew my man was gonna set me up the whole time from the very beginning. But it was critical for him to be there for that season. And then you know, we know what for those that don't know, he ended up hanging himself after Jesus was hung, but he was only there for the certain season, and the rest of the disciples were there to continue the work after him. And so it's again that God discernment to help us to understand the seasonality of all the individuals that are are supposed to be in in our circles, in our spaces for the future, for the present, and then for the past.

SPEAKER_03 28:44

And see, this is part of the reason why I come to my own podcast with some guests, because all of that that you just dropped, that is that that really is facts. And that is part of, excuse me, what I speak to within like talking about the book, this like the stories within the book and the lessons learned inside of here. One of the things about, and it I'm still just not comfortable with how it blows my mind that we literally would not be saved if Judas wasn't Judasin. He had to do what he had to do, like he literally had to. And I'm like, he still that meh meh meh. But when you think about it, like in its totality, it literally had to happen for us. And it it even though it happened to Jesus, he knew that it was going to happen to him. And you know, we always well, people talked about Jesus, what make you think they ain't gonna talk about you? But I really do think about that when you know people have to, when that when it gotta go. And that is part of what I wanted to make sure to put into the book itself was talking about that it's not that it don't hurt when people have to go, but literally everybody can't go with you because everybody wasn't meant to go with you. And at certain places and spaces, like you you literally have to just accept, you know what, this version of me would not have been birthed without this this person, without whoever the Judas is that comes into your life. Sometimes, like, Jesus reached destiny because Judas had to do what he had to do so that Jesus could reach destiny. It was all in divine order. And a lot of times, you know, we we like to only compare ourselves to biblical terms and only compare ourselves to Christ in the places where it's cute, in the places where it sounds good. The same way that we like to, you know, talk about that growth mindset, but are you really doing it? The same way that we like to talk about, oh, well, these are the things that this can improve this, this can improve this. Are you actually improving or are you just talking and talk? Because it sounds good. And it's it it really is that goes back to, you know, when you do have to let people go. And when it is time for that break, sometimes, and I tell y'all this all the time, it ain't always gonna be pretty. Sometimes it do, and it'd be a little bit of a mess. So, and I appreciate your transparency, guy, with um talking about your experience with the unhealthy break and your growth over time. Because I mean, shoot, same with me. Y'all know in the book I talk about like the just the foolishness, the doxing, the oh, I'm about to be an internet bully. And I'm like, I ain't never been Twitter fingers, you got my number. Do you want to meet up? Or at the time, like, it's not the healthiest way to to handle the situation. But I'm like, you know, if are we really gonna have a a conversation? Are we actually gonna talk? Or, you know, are we gonna play fake internet gangsta? Like, what are we doing? And there are lessons that I got from that and lessons that it actually equipped me to be able to help other people. And one of the things that really made me look at it at the time and and say to myself, you know what? I'm gonna go ahead and do the thing and I'm going to write the book. During my time as a as a teacher, all of the internet stuff, it didn't really bother me. It was just kind of like, y'all still trying to like get at me on the internet and like you can find me and see me in real life, but you won't. And I was just like, you know, we came up in an era before like social media and the internet was a thing. So I'm like, you do not like that's that's like pretend la la land. It's a highlight of people's lives. You don't get to watch people 24-7 or during all of their waking hours. You just see glimpses and a piece of a person online. But as I sat looking at some negative posts and some comments, and I chuckled to myself at my desk, I looked up at my students and thought about some of the gossip that would happen in the classroom and how for these kids at that time, something that to me I was finding comical because it was it was that immature. I was like, dang, if this was one of my young men, if this was one of my young ladies, this could be the difference between, you know what, I'm ready for everything to be over or not. The the frontal cortex is not fully developed. The oh, and by the way, these are my high schoolers that I was teaching. I had uh 10th graders and 12th graders. So you're talking about a generation that they grew up with social media, that um that those relationships and that type of social media access, it means the world to them at that age. And I'm like, dang, I'm able to look at this and not take it seriously. But if this was one of my kids in the classroom, this could be something that would literally destroy them or cause them to make decisions that could destroy the rest of their lives. And so I was like, you know what? Even though this is, it's it was painful to lose the friendships, it was somewhat of an annoyance and then somewhat amusement to me. The the doxing and the the online bullying that happened afterwards, and you know, some of the back-end phone calls to other people behind such and such as back and oh well Jessica did this, Jessica did that. And people like, hey, so yeah, they said that you said, and I remember we already talked about it, so I told them to get off my phone with the foolishness because you said it to my face. And I'm like, uh, yeah, fact check it. When do I not tell any of y'all something to y'all face? Now I did from that learn to definitely continue to grow my emotional intelligence so that when what I have to say, I need to take my pilot hat off and put it down to the side so that I can I can bring my little 10 G C and I'm gonna show up with my quiet voice and my box of tissues and what you need at the time so that Jessica can still give the Jessica advice. But sometimes it needs to be a little bit softer. It needs, it needs to be making, it, it needs to give you that that Jamaican chocolate tea feeling. Shout out to shout out to Mama Rosalie, okay? It needs to give you that feeling when when you're getting it, depending on um the state that you're in. And so I would I would definitely encourage you guys to get your copy of the book. Make sure to to head over and get your copy. And while I'm talking about that, let me actually, because I see some orders have started to roll in. So for those of you guys that have tapped in on the live, jumped in, major major order. Of course, shout out to Mel T. She been had hers, okay? Mel was actually the first person to read it, all right? So shout out to Mel T. One thing she's gonna do, she's gonna get that book, okay? She had hers before I had mine, all right, y'all. So I'm seeing shout out to Terrence, uh, shout out to JR, and shout out to Christine so far. I know there's a little bit of a time lag with uh with uh clicking through and doing the thing, but shout out to you guys so far who have ordered your copy at the link. And you know what? Since y'all know how I like to be in the spirit of of doing the other special announcements and different things. Y'all, we got merch. I know a handful of you guys have been asking me, like, hey, can I get the everybody can't go tea? Like, where can I where can I order that at? Like, where can I get the where can I cop the head over to www.everybodycg.com. You'll see in that upper right hand corner, shop. And um, we do have gentlemen's colors as well. So you have options with red, gray, and pink. Because you know, I know, I know some of y'all, I know some of my guys, y'all will be like, yeah, no, this just brand. Like, I'm a I'm a rock dependence. Like, I'm pretty sure every guy that I know at one point or another has rocked some pink for me. Because y'all know that's my favorite color. Y'all know that's the brand. Y'all know, shout out to my Soros. Like, at some point in life, y'all, if if you rock with me, something about some pink somewhere, and it's like, girl, and I'm like, yes, and thank you.

SPEAKER_00 37:40

Hey Jess, how can we order the ebook from the from the website?

SPEAKER_03 37:45

Yeah, no, don't don't get the ebook right now. That author walls, because I don't like the way that the ebook showed up. And so, in in all transparency, I don't want you to cop the ebook. I want you to get your your hard copy. And actually, if you want an ebook copy, put through your order for the for the hard copy, and I will personally send you directly a free copy of the ebook version because I want it to be perfect. And when I went through, I didn't like the way that it showed up on my iPad. I didn't like the way that it looked. So I want that to be fixed before I send you guys the ebook copy, especially if you are paying for a product. I need the product to be perfect when you get it. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 38:35

So understood.

SPEAKER_03 38:36

Yes, for those of you who are fans of ebooks, order your hard copy and send me a DM so that I can send you the ebook for free directly.

SPEAKER_00 38:47

Got it. Got it, got it. I want to go back to to something um that was mentioned. Uh, so first it was everyday um always Saj. Forgive me if I pronounced that wrong. You know, everyone has their part to play. I was thinking about, you know, some of the things that I do now really, really well, but it came from some of those relationships that I had as a child or as a teen. And one of those in particular were were my boys. They were always at our in my at our house uh pretty much every almost every weekend from like 10th grade, ninth grade, tenth grade, and then we went to college together too. But one of the things that they made they all of us did was we debated against each other. Like it could be a TV show, it could be a video game, but it it made us in those conversations, they made me learn how to bring factual information to the conversation to prove the point, not just what was subjective and how we felt about it and how that trend. I was just journaling this the other day, like how that translated to now. When you're writing a grant, that's what you're that's what you're doing. You're bringing justification to why people should give you funding, right? You're not just saying, oh, because we're doing great work. Like, no, because we are doing X, Y, and Z. This is how we line up because we do X, Y, and Z, and this is how you position it. Um, and I was just like, yo, that happened because of those relationships, because of those people that were placed in my life at that time to help me to learn how to communicate in person, but then also I'll take translate that into written form as part of the strategy, as what I do now professionally, and what I had to do when I was running a youth development program. In the last portion, um, I'll say it's never, you know, when you're talking about a sad moment, I started laughing. So I wanted to address what happened. Like in our time, we had the you know, passing notes. I don't know if y'all had the little notebook pieces where it moved from a single notebook to a whole notebook you fold the page in half. And so I wrote down, it was a young lady I was dating in middle school, and my my note was shared publicly amongst the school, amongst our small eighth grade class, and it was a song, a remix genuine so anxious to fit like what we were now. And so I was put on blast, but like you said, it made me change up to how I did things and to how I approached our relationships because I didn't have a person being able to communicate. So one thing I'm excited about is you know, one being able to understand the stories better so I can communicate with my kids about forming strong identity in who you are, so that way when you are faced with these challenges, you know, let's pull from the strength of it, but then let's throw away the negative so that way it doesn't make you collapse as an individual, doesn't make you stray away from uh the foundations that we're setting for you. But like again, when the reason you collapse because you have a strong identity, right? And I know from my time in youth development, uh that's one of the challenges of our youth, they don't have a sense of identity of who they are yet. And then it's important for us as parents and and other mentors or teachers to help those young people to form the identity. And even for us now as adults, it's us, it's important for us to work together to help each other to form or to get to know what is our true identity, what did God who did God make us to be? And that uh empowers us to go out and write the book, to create the podcast, to create the content, and where I had to grow through too, it's like, no, okay, you know what? They're gonna laugh at me. They're gonna say something's wrong. It's everybody everybody doesn't like chocolate chip cookies. You know, my dad likes oatmeal raisin. He will not, you know, he will get oatmeal raisin every single day versus chocolate chip cookies. And that's cool. I'm not meant for everybody, but you know, we're gonna be meant for the people that we need to share our messages with.

SPEAKER_03 42:57

So and that's real, because don't give me no dang on cookies with no raisins in them. Oh, I'll be so upset. I be so upset, especially when it's the fat oatmeal cookies and they are thick and you can't really see it. And then I bite it and I'm like, who's trying to poison me? I just that's facts. And it that's and you know what? That's actually like one of those that it's a simplified analogy of like we easily accept it when it's as simple as I don't like the oatmeal raisin cookies, I prefer the chocolate chip. And when I talk to you guys about everybody not being able to go with you to your next level, to your next chapter in life, like sometimes it really is that simple. And just because it's that simple doesn't make it easy. That doesn't mean that there aren't emotions that are attached to it or that follow it, but sometimes that's what's necessary. Like, sometimes you're no longer someone's preference you're no longer the person fit for the job sometimes you're no longer the person who is is the best fit to get the best outcome and like sometimes you just you you have to come to a a level of acceptance that you know that's that's what it is what is her name Tim's y'all know usually I don't I don't be doing a free promo but she be singing about some stuff and uh lately everybody has been on that song I'm not what you need and I'm like you know what come on with some everybody can't go philosophy because at the end of the day like in in that space like yeah that that is facts like sometimes you you're not the person you're you're not the person anymore and or the same way that we have to accept that sometimes we will be left behind by others or we need to step away from others you know that's something that we have to decide when we need to step away when we're doing more harm than good and there are other times where you know we we have to kindly ask people to you know please move along because you you tear in you tearing my stuff up you you like I'm building with one hand you tearing down with the other like what like you know what are we doing here and a lot of times when you're speaking about friendships or um familial ties it's harder to have that conversation when there's when there's no money involved that's it's a an easier boundary to go ahead and set when you're talking about within your business you know you building with one hand somebody tearing down your business with the other one you like hey you you messing up the the stuff so you gotta mm mm mm I ain't got time you gotta go because you messing up the rotation and sometimes we need to keep that same level of of tenacity and that same level of accountability when it comes to setting those boundaries with our personal relationships with our friendships and like let me go all the way there but setting those boundaries with family because that's where it's the hardest because I mean you know everybody can't go you can tell them used to be friends okay beat it skedaddle but your family is always going to be there in one way or another not to say that you can't go contact any no contact with them too but um I mean if it's required honestly anybody can get it but there are conversations and attempts that you should be making before it comes to that not not so that you can like be the better person or anything like that but just so that you're operating and knowing that you have fully tried made attempts and exhausted every healthy option for you to be able to to work through that work through the the issues and everything and so that you aren't doing additional damage. Just because somebody is being damaging to you it doesn't mean that you have to do damage to them. And y'all know when I be talking to y'all and I'm talking to myself I will raise my hand when I too am still working on it. Okay because I want to make sure that I'm showing up as a person that I'm showing up as as being authentic and human. I don't have it all together I'm not perfect and neither do my counterparts that are that are um on the on the live with me today there are are all areas where it's like hey okay let me just be quiet because if I don't I know that there's a better way to handle this but I need to take the time so that I can handle it better. And I encourage all of you guys to do the same. Sometimes you you may have to go no contact for a certain amount of time and you you may need to to take a step back and go into isolation and and I'm talking about healthy isolation not going into isolation to hide. When you're going into isolation to hide yes they do need to be coming to get you and no you're not gonna like it but um people who love and care about you truly they aren't going to just let you sit there in it knowing that you're hurting and alone and you should not be the uh sometimes you do have to choose to go into isolation with the proper mindset so that you you can and I'm I'm gonna put it on the screen again so that you can protect your peace so that you can come back to yourself and come back to a place of peace when there is a lot of chaos turmoil and different things um that are going on in life and even when you are choosing to take that time in isolation still beware of positive times of isolation becoming negative because you stayed in isolation for too long and still pay attention to and each time even though they might be getting on your nerves when they come in to check check yourself make sure that you actually take take at least 60 seconds to really think about it. Matter of fact bump the 60 seconds at least take two minutes to think about it you know what am I now using the isolation as a coping mechanism because I don't want to be by everybody or are you in isolation because it's work time because it's grinding season because it's time for you to be to uh be uh getting uh getting your life reset or because it's time for you to rest so all of those are are things to think about and also all things that get that get talked about in the book in more detail so by all means when I was growing up we wasn't allowed to fold down pages we weren't allowed to write in books you you'll get your butt whooped with a book for writing in it but I encourage you guys to when you get the book go through here and highlight I actually got that from um my best friend a shout out to her talking about like she actually goes through self-help books and she's like oh yeah I highlight the parts that I need to go back to and um I'm still kind of getting used to it I have folks uh some of my church folks that actually highlight different scriptures as well and so if if that's not you or if you grew up like me that's something that it is a um positive change that you can't implement when you are really looking at growth you're really looking at while you are going through this information and studying it and studying to show yourself approved and studying through it. Yep you see guy God just took out one of the books that that he's going through where where he um went ahead and did his highlights in there and um I see uh some of you guys in the comments some of y'all are like me that it's like shoot writing in the book but I I would definitely encourage you to um my my book is one of those where like yeah highlight up in there highlight up in there and on some of the pages where I made sure that when I needed your attention and it's a big big call out there's also space in there with the big big call out take some notes on there take some notes on there and you know some of the quotes and things that I included go go look up the music go look up the clips go actually listen to the the lyrics for like additional um additional teaching and additional uh like food for thought and yes use the book use the book it it is very easy to just have the book as a thing read it keep it in pristine condition i'm I'm really good for that like a lot of my books are like I I'm like no I take care of my things so like people will look at my bookshelf they like did you even read this and I'm like oh yeah I read that like three times already and it's like why does it look so perfect and I'm like why would you harm a book so that's one of the things I will tell y'all that needs to be one of y'all takeaways from from this this episode right in the book right in there okay don't just don't just uh keep it as as a decoration or you know read through it and not refer back to it so that you can use the information for for true transformation in your life because I don't want you to just learn the language and talk the talk like I want you to actually get the tangible results in your life the same way that I have the same way Mel has the same way that Guy has and this is it's not a it's not a super quick like this wasn't a an overnight joint that this wasn't overnight success. So as as always I've never promised you guys that and and I'm gonna continue to not promise you that because I don't want you to come back and be like well just you said that all I had to do was yeah that is all you gotta do but it ain't simple not easy and it doesn't it doesn't come quick but you you can still get to that that um that space and that place where you will be able to reap the benefits of the work that you put in as long as you actually get started and put that work in. Put in that work on yourself put in that work on your relationships make sure that you are paying attention to the transformation that you would like to see within yourself because without your own commitment to that process is I mean it's it's just it's simply not gonna happen. It's not if you don't do it for you. So yeah let's see I made sure that you guys knew okay one more announcement for today you guys also let me see let me do a refresh here see who else ordered a book of course okay I'm gonna let it do its thing while it's loading over there for you guys that have been enjoying the pod and the two voices that have been on here with me today and I shout out to all of you guys in the comments hey y'all love you all so much and um thank you for coming on in and chatting with us and interacting with us in the chat and uh thank you guys for the orders that are coming through shout out to Kimberly shout out to Tanya shout out to hold on what is this other one shout out to Alicia shout out to all of you guys who have continued to order while we've been on I will pop that back up on the screen for you you can order your copy of everybody can't go at www.everybody can't go at number two.com and shout out to all of you guys that have been ordering while we were on live appreciate you guys appreciate you and if you've been enjoying the pods even if you have are are like a recent or a new joine I have created an exclusive subscription where if you are an audio listener usually or if you would like to take advantage of some of the extras that come with listening to everybody can't go in the audio format we do have available extended interviews bonus episodes some private reflections where we get a little deeper we we have some of those those after dark conversations where we really get into the nitty gritty and go beyond not just teaching but like no let's go ahead and tell the truth and sometimes that truth might hurt people feelings a little bit and you also have uh early access to workshops merch live events subscriber only giveaways subscriber only promo deals for some of the uh other folks that I work with and um some of the other the activities and uh communities that that you have access to and we do have live QA opportunities as well so you can find that over at our Buzzprout channel uh you can subscribe there for just $10 a month you have access to all of those things so today you just got a smorgasboard of look here go all of these drops the book drop the merch drop the exclusive subscription drops everything done dropped I'm like yeah make it all available boom do all of it at the same time and let me drop the link for you guys for that subscription if you want to be a part of the Buzz Sprout community and okay so it's some people that are listening that is so long that is so long you guys and you can't even click it I'm so sorry okay I'll make sure that that's available on the everybody can't go page for you yeah no so that you can click there it's a little bit buried on the website and put that back up there so take out your phone take a picture of that so that way you just click on the link yeah in your photos app yeah screenshot it wherever you might be at that don't seem as long though it is it is and I know Mel gonna be like I sent you the link for a shortener and I was like but it's just a bunch of letters my bad y'all I mean I at least I could have put a QR code on the screen right that was my bad I just got so excited like ooh I can give them this they can do this they can do this they can do this like look I done created a little mini mall for y'all all right where I'm like whatever is your cup of tea whatever is your cup of tea all of this stuff it's available all the things all the things okay and I got a couple of notifications that popped up it looks like some of you guys might have already known how to get over there quicker but shout out to subscriber Calum that just dropped in okay shout out to you and we'll see if if anybody else joins while we're on the live let me see I did have one more question for you guys today within my notes here what was the other thing that I want to ask y'all yes some nice parting words is if we have not dropped enough gems already and shout out to Javon as a subscriber shout out to Javon another Holly let's go Holly's in the building okay for sure so for you guys if someone is watching tonight and of all the gems that you guys have dropped while we've been on this evening if someone watching tonight is afraid to outgrow their current circle what advice would you give them I would say one have a who I always say that for those who who rock with me on my pod have at least one person that is a safe space for you that you can have that soft landing after you part ways with somebody you gotta draw a boundary with because there will be a vulnerability hangover.

SPEAKER_01 59:47

You're going to feel it one of the points I wanted to to add while you were talking about Jesus and Judas even in the Bible we saw Jesus who's 100% man 100% God that that man who showed up he was like do I not know that one of you is a devil like from the moment he met Judas he knew you know what I mean and it was top of mind for him like even though he knew the betrayal was coming it still bothered him you know what I mean so it's important to have a who to be able to fall back on because in his darkest moment yeah them three fell asleep but he had Peter James and John they were exhausted and really the the more factual account is they were more catatonic than sleepy. Like it was just a high stress situation they were exhausted by then but just at least had them to go to the garden with and be like y'all sit right there I'm just gonna go a little deeper in the garden over here so at least have a who to be able to have your hangover with the next thing I would say is to your point Jessica about isolation be sure that while you're in the isolation you're developing yourself. What I ended up doing I shared this I think on my very first interview with you on your pod which was that first month when I moved up to Atlanta the entire first month was rest I barely talked with anybody in terms of like frequent phone calls like social calls checked in with the family on a daily basis but socially went nowhere. Like it was me that asleep and then I started searching YouTube for podcasts that would feed my mind so I started listening to Anthony O'Neill that's that's financial stuff. I started listening to the Secrets of Success podcast more frequently you know what I mean like getting at deep work and then you know discovering other podcasts that fed my soul too like and my letten people like that. But make sure while you're in your isolation you're not only decompressing but also feeding yourself too not only putting stuff out whether on paper whether to your who but make sure you're also receiving stuff that's gonna feed you too for sure yeah that's good that's good and um and to your point I I low key look next week's podcast episode is actually gonna be about that because who coming with you to the garden we're gonna I'm gonna have to dig into that all right because um that that's that's real that's real and when you are looking for I like that you brought up a a a smorgasbord of different positive things to listen to and to feed your mind.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:41

If this is the only podcast that you do tune into so that you can get positivity so that you can get some growth so that you can get uh tips and and be fed I would encourage you find one or two other podcasts that that will put you in that positive mind frame. It it doesn't have to be a long one um there are like Bible study ones or find a YouTube channel or something like that that or I mean if you want to just binge all of my content okay sure yes shout out to you I would love it if you do that like comment subscribe do all the things but when you're looking at the who who's in your ear and what are you being fed with make sure that that you have some positive voices and um folks that you are listening to while you're in isolation so that you know that's a part of that you get to choose making sure that you're not just just in there doing you know just in there doing the whatever even though you do need to have that quiet time to rest when you are doing aimless activities make sure that it's something aimless but restful scrolling sometimes it ain't restful to the mind you you might need to color you might need to put together a a somewhat simple puzzle you know do a word search a sudoku do a something but uh make sure that when you are um when you are tapping in um that you are tapping in with positive voices and positive things because it's very easy when you're in isolation especially when you need that time you need that rest you need that reset to begin spiraling out of control and deeper into a space that you don't want to be in and uh guy I'm gonna kick it over to you to get your your input on that last question.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:31

If someone watching tonight is afraid to outgrow their current circle what advice would you give them yeah I'm gonna go back to two things I've already mentioned and and package it up as a closing point. I mentioned identity identity and both Melissa and I mentioned desire right there's a new identity that you are desiring to grow into that's causing you to leave that current circle and because that desire is coming from God and this birth within it's it's gonna be okay and how I know it's gonna be okay because it talks about in Philippians 4 uh 12 through 13 and this is where Paul you know we always hear verse 13 say I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. But leading up to that Paul says I have grown to know how to get along in difficult times and in times of abundance and and prosperity so yes that current circle it is abundance and prosperity like because you you got all you got everybody around you but stepping out into that new space where you don't see anyone around you it can feel like lack but in reality we're learning to get access or gain access to a new level of abundance because Paul further goes down and says that his his self sufficiency comes in Christ's sufficiency and so when when when as Melissa T mentioned that Jesus walked deeper into Into the forest alone, yeah. He spent more time with God able to get the power to go through and to go ahead to towards the cross where he knew it was gonna be a difficult time for where his identity was taking him to. So for those that are struggling, yes, it's not we're not we're not sugarcoating it. It might be challenging. You are walking into a time that appears to be lacking, but it is setting you up for a new level of growth and abundance and people to help carry you to your next destination. But it is you that's being shifted and shaped for the next season. So again, that was Philippians 4, 12, um, and then 13, where Paul talks about yes, they were trying to send provisions to him, but he was already sufficient in a because he learned how to be that in a time of lack and in a time of abundance. You know, sometimes we apply that to finances, but it also relates to a time of when we don't have all the people around us that we're used to, when we have to be solo, when everybody can't go with us, but we also get the abundance from him who's living with inside of us. So again, your identity is pushing you to a new desire that's inside of you so that you can grow, and then also you might have to leave some people, and that's okay, because your power when you have um learning is not easy, but a learning that when you have Christ, you do have everything because he never changes, he never fades, he's everything for every circumstance and situation in every single moment. The team knows on Monday I was just down, like I was down, but now I'm up, like uh, like the song says, right? But it was because I saw his word and I found comfort in his word when yes, their words were good, I love them to life, but I had to find it even greater because God could speak to the deeper things that were inside my heart, the questions that were going on, and so that's what I'll leave with with that.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:02

All right, so boom, I don't gotta get y'all the closing because cousin God done he done dropped the mic right behind mail. So thank you guys for jumping in here. I'm gonna do one more refresh. Shout out to Chelsea for ordering uh her copy of Everybody Can Go on the live. And shout out to the replay squad. The links will be in the show notes for you guys below. Thank those of you who have joined on with us and interacted with us during this evening on the live. And again, shout out to the the folks that are on the replay. Make sure that you share this episode with someone that uh you know that it can help them, it can impact them. Go ahead, hit like, subscribe, and drop some comments below. Let us know what you think and click that link so that you can make sure that you cop your copy of Everybody Can Go, the book that has become the brand, this podcast, and now a movement, and any of the links that you need that will be below for your merch, the podcast subscription, and all of the things. Thank both of you guys for um popping in with me this evening and for um for staying on uh for the full hour. I uh really appreciate both of you. You know this from the very bottom of my heart. And um thank all of you guys for tuning in because without you, I would just be here talking to myself. So thank all of the listeners for you guys tuning in for your downloads, your subscriptions, and your likes and uh and all of your support. And I will see you guys next week. We're gonna dig into who coming with you to the garden. So yeah, I'm gonna see who wanna get in on that convo next week. Uh, because yeah, we might we might run back a nice little round robin on that one. And so yeah, I uh I'll see you guys next week for another Everybody Can't Go convo.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:56

Peace.