The Power of Delays: Turning Setbacks into Growth Opportunities

In this episode, Jessi Holley explores the power of reframing your mindset during life's reset moments. She shares practical strategies for overcoming limiting beliefs, cultivating positivity, and embracing delays as growth opportunities.

Key Topics:

• Reframing your mental state during setbacks
• Identifying and overcoming limiting beliefs
• Using delay and waiting seasons for growth
• Practical steps to cultivate positivity
• The science behind habit formation and mindset change

Takeaways:

• Reframing your mind can transform setbacks into growth opportunities.
• Identifying limiting beliefs is crucial for personal reset.
• Delays are often opportunities for preparation and growth.
• Consistently starting your day with positive inputs can rewire your mindset.
• Your beliefs shape your behavior and outcomes.

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:01

And we laugh. Happy Wednesday and welcome to another Everybody Can't Go Convo. I'm your host, Jesse Holly. And today we are continuing right on in this reset series this month. And today I want to talk to you guys about reframing. Oftentimes, when we are looking at making a reset in our lives, or we are on that journey of resetting and realigning our paths. Sometimes there are some limiting beliefs that we can have about ourselves, about rewriting our narrative, about rewriting our vision. And sometimes those those things they didn't necessarily come from you. Because a lot of times, like I said, I would ask, who to well, who told you that? When you really think about it, the inner voice that we pick up along the way from all of the stuff that we take in, all of the things we scroll past, all the things that they say, whoever they is, because we still don't know. But all of those things can sometimes take root and take residence in the back of our mind and our subconscious. And for us, it can keep us stuck. And as a part of resetting, sometimes we have to dig into ourselves. As a part of your self-assessment, you do have to dig a little bit deep. And you got to take a look at, okay, do I have some limiting beliefs that are causing me to operate in a way that is fearful? Are there some things that are causing me to operate in an abundance of caution? And I'm not talking about like, you know, the normal gauge, the risk level. I'm talking about like being hyper-vigilant, overly cautious. You have analysis, paralysis about it. At this point, you still haven't even decided do you need a hard reset or a soft reset? Let's take a look at digging into those limited beliefs. So, you know, I got my notes here for today. I wanted to talk about five points when I thought about identifying those limiting beliefs and making sure to rewrite our vision, to realign, and to move forward in the, I want to say healthiest way possible. I won't say the most comfortable way, because sometimes what is the best for us doesn't feel the best while we're in it, or as we're getting prepared, so that we can step into the next chapter. So as I have said quite a bit over the past few weeks, over the past few months, actually, you might not like it, but sometimes what is the the best for us and what is the most healthy, and uh what is necessary for you to be able to get to your mountaintop, whatever that may be, uh sometimes it's not gonna feel good. So this is one of those where I want you to dig deep and really think about it, so that some of those things that could be inadvertently stalling your progress or uh keeping you making decisions that aren't the best for you. I want you to dig deep and really think through some of these things. So, first, I want you to understand uh your mental frame. So, what we believe it shapes our behavior, which is why I wanted to talk to you about reframing your mind, especially after experiencing failure or loss or grief or some type of major life transition or pivot. When we are going through seasons of hardship or coming up against adversity in life, or we've experienced a loss of failure, any of those things, sometimes we begin to dwell in that area, even as we are working on healing. And sometimes some of those not so good feelings, sometimes the things that hurt, the things that make us sad, the things that make us angry, the things and people that we have to grieve, sometimes that will allow seeds of new beliefs to take root. And those new beliefs may it, those seeds, it may not be your intention that that is what becomes like planted in you during that vulnerable state, during that vulnerable time. But those new beliefs that have been planted during that season in your life, they will shape your behavior as you're moving forward into your era of resetting and realigning after you've experienced those things. And so just like those negative seeds can be planted, we're looking at making sure that we pluck those out. Because really, that will count as the weeds in your garden, the things that need to be pulled up, uprooted, and tossed in the trash. Just as those seeds of negativity can be planted in the back of your mind, or it can become, I don't want to say normal, but you don't notice that it's gradually becoming your behavior. Just like some of those negative behaviors or negative beliefs can come about, we can also put focus in on making sure that the seeds that are being planted in the back of our minds are ones of positivity. Now, I will tell you this: even when you don't feel like it, even when you don't believe it, this is the science part. I'm not citing no sources. Go look it up yourself. But this is the science part. The uh it takes 21 days to create a new habit, right? We all know this. When you are reshaping your mental frame, take 21 days to begin your day with something positive. An example of how I used that method in the past, when I was having a hard time, I made a playlist of uh six videos, and I had um two spoken words on there, a sermon, and a couple of compilations of different clipped mixed uh videos, right? So as soon as my alarm went off, instead of hitting slus, instead of rolling over, instead of doing something else and getting up grumbling, which at the time that's that's what I felt like getting up doing. I just I woke up, I was just like, okay, we're awake, let's just get the day started. I didn't start the day with intention to be positive. I just woke up and just started getting ready to go to work. Like I didn't, I didn't think about any of anything in between. I just got up and started the day. So I began a period of 21 days where I got up and I would listen to the playlist as soon as I woke up. I would reach for my phone so I could turn off the alarm and I would go straight to YouTube and press play as I got out of the bed and got ready for work. Now the first day, I was like, why did I even decide to do this last night? Why did I even, why did I do this? Like, I could have done this at lunchtime. I could do this on my way to work, I could do this after work, and I'm like, this is stupid. But because I made the decision to go ahead and do that to control the spirit of my day, I went ahead and listened to it. The next day, I pressed play again and I'm like, okay, this didn't, it didn't work yesterday. This is dumb. But I'm gonna just go ahead and do it anyway. Because if it ain't if it ain't helping, is it hurting? It wasn't hurting, so why not? But by the end of that week, I started to look forward to as soon as I grabbed my phone to turn off my alarm, press play, and began to listen to positive things. During the second week, I actually started to look forward to okay, I'm gonna get up. I'm getting up with a little more pep in my stuff, because I'm like, okay, yeah, I'm about to listen to my videos. I'm about to, yeah, I'm about to get pumped up so that I can get ready for my day. I control the spirit of my day. By the end of the third week, when something came across my path where I was faced with adversity, the first thing that became my front thought, my my first thought. It wasn't, man, what the f my first thought was one of the phrases that I heard day after day after day, and I stopped and I'm like, wait, where did that come from? Oh yeah, because those videos that I watch in the morning so that I can make sure I'm controlling the spirit of my day. Our beliefs are going to shape our behavior. When you are reframing your mental state, you are reframing how you will act outwardly to other people. You are reframing how you are going to show up. So essentially, we act accordingly to the story that we believe about ourselves, about others. We control the narrative. But what are you listening to? What are you watching? What are you praying? What things are going on as you creating that soil for your mental frame? What kinds of seeds are being planted? Whether you know it or not, whether you're aware or not, there are always seeds being planted. So even if you don't believe me, just do what I did. Try it for 21 days straight. I dare you. And if it don't work, come back and tell me in the comments. But I promise you, if as soon as you wake up and the the within the first 10 minutes of getting up, get up, press play on that playlist. And at this point, this is something that I tell any and everybody, if you are looking for starting out with a reset, like I put it to the test, and this is I'm about to date myself, y'all. This is a good 10 years ago when I started doing this, and I'm like, you know what? It works. So if you've done it before, you can do it again. Go ahead and make an updated playlist. Start back over. It's okay to pick it back up, it's okay to resume so that you can get back to that uh reframing your mental so that you are able to reshape your behavior by by paying attention to what's going into your subconscious as soon as you wake up, first thing. So that is going to help you to hmm, I don't want to double use the word limit. So that's not going, that's going to help you to be able to control what you do with those limiting beliefs. So some of the common limited beliefs that can keep us from actually pursuing a reset, whether that be a hard reset or soft reset, there are things that that people will be thinking about as far as like, oh, well, I'm too old. It's gonna take too long, I missed the opportunity already, I'm not qualified, I always fail, or like people like me don't succeed, or this isn't for me, or well, they said I can't. All of those different limiting beliefs that are usually influenced by things that you have heard other people around you saying, or things that while you weren't paying attention, and while you weren't thinking about what you was thinking about while you were scrolling, when you paused for 0.5 seconds too long on a certain post. And so your algorithm started to get fed with more and more things that guide you in that direction. Sometimes when we're in a certain mental state, scrolling is not the smartest thing to do. There's many pages that they're posting about. Well, if you're going through this in your life right now, you should dot dot. Depending on your state of mind, sometimes you can be influenced or swayed one way or another, and you may be being influenced or swayed in the wrong direction. The algorithm favors what you favor. The algorithm just agrees with what you want to see at the time. Sometimes it's counterproductive when you continue to scroll, continue to read, because subconsciously the things that you are stopping to look at are not necessarily helping your cause or your mental state at that time. I would say look out for that, especially if you are uh going through an adversity or a hardship. Even sometimes when you are uh grieving a loss, there are, I've noticed that there's posts that sometimes it like it starts off like it's positive, like it's gonna help, but then you keep scrolling, keep scrolling, keep scrolling, reading more of them. And it just takes you in this downward spiral where you feel worse than what you did when you started scrolling because you wanted to go do something mindless. You wanted to mindlessly scroll so that you didn't have to think about whatever is uh is bothering you or whatever the challenge is. Sometimes that ends up being counterproductive. So think about some things that you could do instead of scrolling or instead of drinking, instead of and partaking in other not-so healthy activities when you're in that state of mind, so that you can focus on properly reframing and reframing in a healthy way, not just distracting yourself with something that could be more damaging in the long run as you are looking at reframing your state of mind. So when you're looking at reframing your failure, instead of focusing on failure equaling defeat or loss meaning that this is the end of everything, you can consider that a part of that failure, there was feedback there. What feedback did you receive? What feedback or critique could you give yourself and how you handled it? Think through what that failure is and see what information can you extract from the experience. What went wrong? What didn't go so right? What did go right? What was neutral? All of those things when you think through it and you are, I don't want to say critical, but you're honest with the facts of the situation, and you kind of do that that split thing where you have some feelings over here, but you're going to look at the facts of the failure, or you're going to look at the facts of your loss. When you go back through that information, you're able to use it for preparation so that when you try again, or so that when you are working through your healing journey, you will have information that you can use so that you're able to move forward from you're not starting back from zero, you're starting from that point where things uh either stopped, took a hard left, whatever notch of cheese off the cracker, that is where you're starting from at bare minimum. But the more you dig into what the feedback is, what the information is, the more you dig back into the constructive criticism of that failure or the situation that didn't go the way that you thought that it would or should, or the way you desired or wanted, you have information so that you can grow from that if you choose to. Now, even with experiencing a loss of varying degrees, different degrees, you do get to choose what you do with that information. You can keep it to yourself, hoard it, do what you want, but you can also take a look at what is the lesson in this. What does this mean for me moving forward? What could it mean for me moving forward if everything else from here on out was perfect? So, one other thing I want you guys to watch out for, and I actually have to like take time to myself to remind myself of these things, reframing what a delay looks like. I talked sometime last year about embracing the pivot. Just because things have been delayed does not mean that it's been completely denied. It doesn't mean that it won't happen for you. It doesn't mean that your vision is completely over, it doesn't mean that your goals won't get accomplished, it doesn't mean that you can't pick back up, dust off that goal list, reassess so that you can still make it happen. I mean, for this year, there's still time. And even if your timeline is going to take you past through the end of this year, just because you're you're moving at a slower pace than what you what you wanted or what you desired, that doesn't mean that you're denied that end goal. Remember, your route may change, the way you're going about getting there may change, your set of resources may change, but the vision itself, when you're looking at rewriting it, you're just looking at changing some of the details on how to get there. You may change a few of the details on why you're getting there. But that doesn't mean that it's not going to happen. A pause or a pivot doesn't mean that it's it's not happening altogether. And this is one thing, and I talk about this in my book, Everybody Can't Go. The book that became this podcast that became the brand, Shameless Luck, head over to www.everybodycg.com and order your copy today. But one of the things that I talk about is that growth happens during the waiting seasons. So, like I tell you all the time, just because you're alone doesn't mean that you're lonely. You grow during those seasons where you are alone and in isolation. It's up to you, and you get to choose, but it's up to you to decide whether or not that time at isolation, if you're going to focus on healing, growing, and moving forward, which is part of the reason why I'm like, okay, sometimes once we get to that point of isolation, we do have to take the time to reframe our minds so that we can make sure that our mind is fertile ground for the growth that will take place and the things that are coming in front of us, the things that are coming ahead of us. We have to reframe the way that we think about the delays in what we have, what we have planned for ourselves. We may not have planned for any mishaps along the way. We may not, and usually we don't, we may not have added any lead time into uh into that goal list, into what we wanted to get accomplished. So when we're looking at the the growth that can happen during those waiting seasons, if you really pay attention to it or think back to a time in your life where you were in isolation, but you came out on the other side with more knowledge, you came out on the other side with uh like you you came out with a win. And sometimes you might even come out with the whole championship once you came out that joint. But when you're thinking about what happens during those waiting seasons, a lot of times the time that you spend in isolation and alone, that is the time where you are preparing all of the things that you will need in the next season so that you can succeed. And not only so that you can succeed, I've talked about this, so that you can make Maintain what you are rebuilding, and so that you can so that you don't have to take so many steps backward so that you can go forward again. So just reframe your mind around the way that you see the delays. Sometimes just take a step back and look at, okay, well, this is taking longer than what I wanted to. What is this actually teaching me? What could be the purpose of this delay right now? What can I do while I'm in this delay right now? That's where the growth happens for you. And you'll find the further you go on your own journey, you will find that sometimes some of those things that happened prior, or some of the things that happened during your isolation in that alone time, not during your lonely time, during that time that you were alone, those are things that needed to happen so that you could make sure that uh that foundation is solid and also so that you can make sure that what you're building is is like stronger, it's fortified, uh, it makes sense. You're able to build with more ease, you're able to move along in your journey with greater ease and minimizing the I always call it the lay struggle. You are minimizing the time that you have to stay in lay struggle, and you can make the the uphill battle of building, you can uh kind of like lessen that slope. So you ain't gotta like climb, climb, like climbing up a ladder. You can kind of, you know, take a nice little level three, level four hike on a little nature walk, and you, you know, you're having fun, you're still able to talk, you're not out of breath because the climb is so steep. And then finally, with uh reframing those delays, timing does matter. So sometimes you we're rushing things. Timing does matter. The same way that I encouraged you to make sure that you take the time in your healing journey, in your grief journey, in your rebuilding phase, and as you decide what reset looks like for you and whether or not now is the time for you to be resetting. The timing of all that definitely makes a difference and it matters for your long-term success. The same way that I told you, I don't want you rushing through a lot of these different things. And y'all know I don't like this as a flight attendant, as a pilot, my pace, my pace, my pace. I just want to go. But the timing does matter, and that's why all four of the personality styles are needed because all four of the personality styles serve their purpose. And that slower pace, there are times in life and there are seasons in life where that slower pace is needed. Now, that's another one of those. I ain't say you gotta like it. You just heard me say that I don't like it, but it is a part of the journey that is a part of the growth, and also how we handle it is a part of the journey and the growth as well. And even noticing when we don't handle it well, sometimes you do have to self self be like, hmm, all right, self, I noticed that you got an attitude about this. I noticed that you don't like this, I noticed that this is not your preference. However, for our long-term growth, this is what needs to happen in the right now. Even though the right now might be a long time or feel like a long time, that timing does matter, and that weight and the growth that happens during that waiting season, it's important to ensure your long-term success and for keeping and maintaining everything that you are rebuilding and your goal at the end of your reset, whether that be hard or soft. So that if there are any places where negativity has either crept in, or if you are at a point in your journey where you were going through a hardship or a hard time, and the negativity that came into your life, it kind of stayed and it started to change your beliefs a little bit. It started to affect your beliefs, and it started to kind of shape some of your behaviors in a way that is not so positive, shaping your behaviors in a way that it's not conducive to building the vision that you rewrote. It doesn't help on your journey towards success. I want you to complete three different statements. So you can either pause it or wind it. Shout out to the to the first time play crew, shout out to y'all. So what I write down for myself is I used to believe dot dot, that's where you fill it in. Now I choose to believe insert my positive truth here. And so because of that, I will insert the action that you will put in so that you can one remind yourself to change that inner thought, and two, so that if there is a specific action that you will take, you can be reminded of that action, and also you can be reminded of the outcome of that action and the outcome of addressing what you used to believe, or if you're in the now, that negative belief. What positive belief are you replacing it with? And then why are you replacing that negative belief with a positive belief? What is it going to yield you? So I'll drop those beginning statements, I'll drop those into the show notes for you so that uh if you are on a device, you can get you a simple copy paste. As you are clicking those other links and different things below. So I want you to think about in closing, what belief do you need to release in order to move forward? I don't even want you to worry about where did it come from? Because at this point, it don't even matter where it came from. It it just is there from somewhere along the journey. But what belief do you need to release so that you can move forward in a healthy and sustainable way? Whether it's a belief that you've picked up recently, whether it's a belief that you picked up during a time of hardship, or if it's one of the beliefs that you've had this whole time, like you like I've been thought that since since I was growing up. What belief do you need to release so that you can move forward? And if it's more than one, write write a list out. Write that out and take it to God. What beliefs do what belief or beliefs do you need to release so that you can move forward? So I'm gonna go ahead and take a page out of my own book and I'm gonna write out what beliefs do I need to release in order to move forward? And I would encourage you to do the same. Make sure that you subscribe to the channel. You can click the links below in the show notes so that you can access exclusive content. If you would like to subscribe to Everybody Can't Go Convos, where you gain access to exclusive bonus episodes, additional tools and resources and materials. And you never know. You might get an invite to a pop-up live every now and then. You never know where I'll be. And make sure that you get your copy of Everybody Can't Go. That link is in the show notes for you below. You can find that at www.everybodyc.com. The book is here, and I I've seen the orders coming in over the past few weeks. You guys are awesome. Get a copy for a friend, get a copy for your book club, or copies for your book club, whatever what have you. And um make sure that you like and comment below. Share the episode with someone who you think that this can help, or that you would like to talk to them about reframing your mind, reframing your mental state because it's not too late, you haven't taken too long, the right opportunity has not passed you by. And what's yours and is for you, just make sure that you get prepared for it. So when it's here, you don't have to worry about thinking I lost out on that thing. So thank you guys for tuning in on another Wednesday for this everybody can't go convo. And I will see you next week.