It's Not Too Late: How to Reset Without Starting Over

In this episode, Jessi Holley explores the importance of resets in life and goals, emphasizing that it's never too late to reset without starting over. She discusses soft and hard resets, recognizing when to pause, realign, or pivot, and offers practical advice for maintaining progress and honoring your capacity.

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Transcript

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And we laugh. Happy Wednesday and welcome to another Everybody Can't Go Convo. I'm your host, Jesse Holly, and we are still in the thick of it. Well, really more so at the beginning of it, but with reset season. So I know that if you have been scrolling responsibly, I hope, with a nice little timer on there. But if you've been scrolling andor around different communities, hanging out with your growth squad and those type of homies, everybody's talking about resetting right about now because we are past that halfway mark in the year, usually in July, in addition to the barbecue days off, going on family vacay and all the other stuff. It it's time for a reset. So last week I talked to you guys about is it actually time for you to do a reset? Do you need a hard reset? Do you need a soft reset? Do you need to sat down? So today, for those of you who do need a reset, we are going to continue to travel on down that path. Or shout out to those of you who are checking out this episode at a later date when you are ready for your reset. Today, I want to talk about it's not too late. It's never too late. That's why I mentioned those of you who are checking this out at a later date, you are able to reset without completely starting over. That's why I want you to listen, pay attention to the stuff that I tell you on this pod so that whatever it is that you have been building on or rebuilding, that you don't have to start all the way over either from scratch or start all the way back over further back than what you started in the first place. So falling off track doesn't mean that it's like automatic failure. I talked to y'all about this last week. Sometimes falling off track just means that you are a human. It means that you have some type of emotional intelligence. It means that, dare I say it, you aren't a psycho or sociopath. Sometimes falling off track just means that you are human and that's okay. And resets are intentional pauses, sometimes so that you can evaluate with where you are, what is working, what's not working, and what you would like to implement. So that's why I started this season with talking about whether or not you even need to do a reset at this time. Are you prepared and ready for it? Or if you are prepared and ready, do you need a hard reset or do you need a soft reset? Sometimes we just think that a reset, quote unquote, it don't count if it's not, you know, the big extreme thing. Sometimes it's just making those small changes, making one or two steps in the right direction so that, again, you aren't starting all the way over from scratch, but more so so that you can focus on those small wins and what have you already built so far. When we're doing a reset, we don't want to completely negate or throw out everything that you have done thus far. Even if you've taken a pause, and even if you need to do a rebuild of the work that you have been doing, you don't throw away all of the progress that you had made previously just because you had to put a pen in it or just because you had to pause. When we're working on building the life that we would love to live, when we're working on building our dream life, building our vision, it's not like you were cooking some chicken and had to run out the house real quick and left it on the counter. And you came back to it a couple days later. It's not the same thing as leaving out some chicken cutlets or some raw meat on the counter. When you're looking at building your vision over time, there will be times in life where you will have to take a pause, and when you come back to it, though some things may change. You are not scrapping the entire project. You aren't throwing away everything that you have done done thus far. You aren't throwing away all of the previous work that you've done. So I want you to make sure to remember that when you are doing a reset of any kind, you aren't like embark, like you aren't embarking on something, something new. The purpose of a reset is so that you can get back to those goals, habits, or routines that you drifted away from. And sometimes if you are in need of a softer reset, you are just getting more on target with those routines, habits, and goals. And possibly you're adding some additional things so that you can strengthen what's already there. We're already looking at improving it, but if you'd like to grow and strengthen what's already there, that's where that soft reset and some of the things that that entails will come into play. Some people end up drifting away from their goals because of, now last week we talked about the life transitions and we also talked about burnout and exhaustion. Some of the other things that can cause you to drift away are fear of failure, fear of success, a lack of accountability. Sometimes you ain't you ain't paid a subscription to the to the community. So you had to bow out and you thought that you was gonna sustain it on your own. You thought you were gonna be able to get, I know what to do. So I got it. Sometimes you've outgrown your old goals. All of those things, those will more so fall into that category of a soft reset if you haven't completely abandoned those goals, but if you drifted away a bit, if you have the capacity to, sometimes that hard reset can also be a nice way to get back on track so that you can get back to where you were previously. But again, honor your own capacity so that you can address how you would like to get back to your goals if you've started to drift away from them over time. Or if you are one of those really lucky folks that you notice as soon as you start drifting away, do you a quick hard reset so you can get right back on track. Especially if you've only been off for a few days, you've only been off for a week or two, that's even though you drifted a bit, that's still a good position to be in. Because it won't be so hard to get back to your routines and the habits and things that were getting you that success and that growth that you were looking for. I will put a caveat to that. If there has been something that was traumatic, a major loss, or some type of life transition outside of your control that has been dropped in your lap, do not pass go, do not collect $200, do not just don't do the unhealthy thing and just bury that and try to just plow through and keep going. If you need to take the time to not only consult some of my previous podcasts, and make sure you like, subscribe, and comment below. But if now is the time for you to get a licensed clinician involved, make sure that you do do that off the channel. Make sure that you get that done as well. So, and y'all know I'm gonna remind y'all of that of every episode. Know there's a difference between quitting and resetting. If life did force a pause or force an extreme pivot, know that quitting is a complete abandonment of the vision. Just because you had to pause or pivot doesn't mean that you quit. You may have stopped doing work toward it, you may have paused or stayed in place. Even if you have made the choice to, or you just ended up being stagnant, whether it was intentional or by mistake over time you didn't notice it was happening. That is just that a pause quitting, just like resetting, it takes intention. If it's a pause, don't just accept, well, I quit. Did you? Because if you quit, then that means you made the intentional decision to not pick it up and start back up. When you're resetting your goals, you're adjusting your strategy and adjusting any of the other controls that are involved with getting the goal done. If you're quitting, that means you're abandoning all adjustments. That means that you just like, you know what, bump it. That is a choice, that is intentional. Note throughout history, there have been many successful people that have had to do a reset, they have had to take a pause, take a pivot. As much as we glorify the go hard, can't stop, won't stop, all of that stuff, cool, that's great. But while you are doing that, make sure that you allow the time and space for yourself to be human if and when is needed. Now, I'm not saying that you just gotta be crying and whining about any and everything, but there are times where you do have to allow yourself to be human. And the pause is there for that. Pausing does not mean quitting unless that's what you choose. And even though you get to choose, really do think about it. Do you need to quit or do you just need a reset when you're ready to get back to it and when you have the capacity and resources and the energy to get back to it? Some signs that you can look out for about whether or not you need a reset. If you are feeling disconnected from your goals, if you are feeling frustrated when you look at that goal list, if you are feeling a bit less motivated lately, started to procrastinate more. If you're doing all the things all over the place, just doing a bunch of things, but those things aren't leading in some form of a linear path toward that larger goal, you might need a mental reset so that you can get back to what are the habits, routines, and strategy that will get me back on track to accomplish the goal? Even rewinding back further than that, do you need to realign or reset the goal itself? Based upon where you are right now, do you need to realign how the goal will get accomplished? Are you feeling kind of all over the place because you just haven't been paying attention to your goals at all? Or you slowly but surely throughout the year you started to fall off and you had your five goals on your list for the year. Did you abandon all of them? Are you super lucky? Did you finish all of them and you need a new goal list that builds toward your vision? What goals have you abandoned that you would like to pick back up and that is feasible for you to pick back up with what you currently have right now? Do the goals that you want to pick back up, do they still matter? Are they still applicable? Or do they need adjustments? Do any of the goals that you had, do they no longer fit who you're becoming? Are they no longer feasible? Is it no longer possible? Do you need to revamp your entire goal list? Do you need to go back to the drawing board and rewrite your vision altogether? Or do you need to make some adjustments to that vision and you need to rewrite your entire goal list? What's causing that lack of motivation or what has caused you to fall off? Assess all of those things. That is exactly when you look at, well, why did I fall off on going after my goals? That's where you find out whether or not you need to be human with yourself and have some grace, or whether you need to be hard on yourself and be like, hey, we was we, you know, we was getting a little lazy. Let's get back to it. There is a difference. And I don't want you beating yourself up inadvertently or like trying to self-punish when that is not what fits the situation. What things have changed in your life that have caused you to either abandon the goals, forget the goals, or fall off from working toward those goals? What changed in life? Were there emotional changes? Did you have some mental changes? Did you have relational changes? And relationship-wise, was that a a romantic partner? Was that a friendship? Was that a family member? Was it the relationship with yourself? With your work, your boss, your leadership, any of those things. Has your financial situation changed? Has your spiritual walk changed? All of those changes that you're looking at, we're not only counting the changes that may be considered negative, we're also considering what positive changes have been made across all of those areas. Usually when we're talking about a reset, we're only considering what negative things have changed or caused me to abandon or fall off of my goal set. It's not always about the negative changes or the negative things that have come about. Sometimes the reset is needed because of all of the good that has happened in your life, because of all of the come-ups, because of the level up, because of the positive things that have taken place that have happened. Look at whether or not have you abandoned your goals because you outgrew the goals already? Have you abandoned working toward your goals? Because, like I said earlier, did you have five goals and lucky you, and I shouldn't say lucky you, I should say hardworking you, that you accomplished all five of those goals already because you started the year with a lot of momentum. You started super high motivation, and you were like, okay, look, I'm going, I'm going, going, going, going at this thing. And you were able to like plow through, do that overworking that I was talking about. You had that super high energy, super high intensity. You were able to go after the goal at a high frequency, and you you crushed it. You crushed all five of those goals. Did you kind of start to fall off after that because you accomplished everything and you're like, well, huh, now what? I guess I'll chill till next year. Was that your plan in the first place? For you to, while you had that energy, for you to go hard for the first half of the year and spend the second half of the year, kind of like on that rest, and your reset is the rest and relax for the allotted and predetermined or pre-chosen amount of time. Hats off to you if you did plan your year that way. And quarter three is when you are supposed to be resting and enjoying. You're supposed to be on vacation, doing the barbecues, the family stuff, taking chill time to yourself, spending more time at the spa, more time on self-care, then your reset is realigning your emotional and mental state, taking care of your body physically, strengthening your spiritual walk. If that's the case, then just because it's reset season for everybody else and folks are focusing on getting back onto their goals, don't let that become a distraction for you that you feel like you have to add more to your plate for the year or add more goals onto your list. If your intention when you started out was to get the goals done and you went high intensity with the intention of spending some time with your reset being the rest and relaxation. If that's the case, make sure that you honor that and that you actually collect your reward. It's very easy for people who are high achievers and overachievers for us to get to the end of a high-intensity season where we have expended a lot of our mental, emotional, and physical energy. And by physical energy, I don't just mean being in the gym. I mean those late nights, early mornings, operating off of caffeine and two to four hours of sleep, if any. I mean fitting in everything wherever you could fit it in at any time so that you could get the goal done by any means necessary. And when you embarked on going that hard so that you could get it accomplished, the plan was once I get this thing done, I'm going to take rest. If that was the deal and the bargain that you made with yourself, possibly your spouse and family, you need to honor that, not just for them, but for you. You've had your season of going hard, your season of high intensity, and your season of accomplishment with the pre-plan to go ahead and rest and celebrate getting that accomplishment done. If that is the case, make sure that you stick to the plan. Don't get so worked up with being restless that you don't remember that you just exhausted your batteries. You got to recharge them. And even though you might be cranked up on and high off of the, yes, like I'm still feeling it. Eventually, that steam is going to run out. It's great that you have that type of energy. But just take the time to get your reset with the rest and relaxation so that even though you have that super high energy and you think that you can keep going, maintain that as an option that you can keep that high intensity and you can keep going when the season requires it. You don't want to live that way 24-7, 365. There's a time for the high intensity, and then there's a time for the low intensity. So your reset can be getting back on the wagon because you fell off, or sometimes that reset is get off the wagon because now it's time to rest. And even in the reset that is a requirement of rest, also look at do you need to have a hard or soft reset when you are resting, rejuvenating, relaxing, realigning, and recharging? Is just a one, a one-day or one treatment at the spa, is that enough of a reset? Do you need to book out your spa appointments and you need to double it up for the month? Do you need to check in there once a week? Every other week a massage, every other week a facial? Or will it suffice for you to, oh, well, you know what? I haven't been in a few months. I'm going to go in for a massage. A little, a little softer, a little more leisurely. Does your reset when you're doing your rest and relaxation, does that involve more sessions with your licensed clinician? Does that involve making sure that you do an overhaul of, you know what, let's get back to that healthy eating. Let's do a 30 day vegan reset. Let's make sure that we're stocked up on our green smoothie supplies and sign up for that Pilates class that we didn't have time for while doing that high. High intensity work on getting the goals done. What does the reset look like? And do you have the resources available so that you can do the reset as intended? Whether you're looking at a reset where you're getting back to doing all the things, or your reset is the resting reset. Give yourself permission, whether either way that you're going with your reset, give yourself permission to begin again. Give yourself permission to restart. Give yourself permission to pick up where you left off for those of you who are getting back to the goals that you kind of set aside or abandoned. It's okay to go back to that project that you did a hard stop or you kind of you were like, ah, I'm gonna take a day away from it, I'm gonna take a week away from it. And now it's been sitting there for three months. It's okay to go back to that thing. It's not gonna be mad when you go back to it, considering it's a thing, not a person. Now, if you're talking about a person, that ain't what this episode is about. You're gonna get what you get when you get back. That ain't what we're talking about today. But that project, that goal, if you're coming back to it a few months later after having completely abandoned it. Give yourself permission to restart and begin again your work on that and sustaining that thing and working at it again. Make sure that you don't start all the way over from scratch, if and when you don't have to. You might be starting from the beginning if it was just a goal that you never got to, you never started in the first place. Okay, cool. You could start from the beginning on that. But if it was something that you already started on, pick back up where you left off first before you just, you know, throw away all the progress that you had because you're you're frustrated about stopping working on it in the first place. Be fair to yourself now. Be fair to yourself. Because you still do still deserve to get a payout on the work that you put in before you had to take a step away from whatever the goal or the project was. Don't feel guilty about the lost time when you had to step away from the project or the goal. Things happen, some things outside of our control. That doesn't negate the amount of work that you put in when you started out on that thing. And that's what I don't want you to lose out on. Remember, we are counting our small wins. So there had to have been some small, smaller milestones that you met while you were working on that goal. We not sweeping them under the rug, we're not throwing them away. We're building upon what was already there. When you're looking at your new set of timing, make sure that you realign, excuse me, realign your timetable. And remember that progress is rarely is it linear. That's why when I talked about linear, I said linear, kinda. Because for the most part, we're moving toward that direction. We're moving in that direction. Just because you have to take a pause, that doesn't negate the project in its entirety, the goal in its entirety. It just changes the timeline a little bit. And who's to say that had you just plowed through, that the timeline wouldn't have ended up changing anyhow? So don't worry about that lost time. Release the guilt surrounding that lost time. So as you take some time to reflect, I want you to consider what goals that you had set up for yourself. I'd say from the top of the year up until now, what goals did you have that you set for yourself that you did not accomplish? And those goals deserve another chance. Take some time to go back to your notebook, go back to your vision, take a look at where you started this year and what you wanted to embark on as the year began. Take a look and see where do you need a reset. Whether that reset involves getting back to the goals that you have strayed away from, or if that reset involves you making a new goal set and taking some time to rest and reset so that you're able to go after another set of goals. Either way, make sure that the goals that you tend to and that you write out for yourself, make sure that they're aligned with where you are right now and who you are right now. Honor the season you're in and your capacity. And with that, I'll give you a couple of housekeeping notes. Go ahead and click the link below so that you can order your copy of Everybody Can't Go, the book that became the brand at www.everybody can't go, number two.com. And make sure that you share this episode with someone who you think could use the information. Like, comment below. Make sure you subscribe to the channel. And for our premium members, we will see you over in our community where you're able to access all of your freebies. Check for giveaways. Are you this month's winner? And if you don't know what I'm talking about, you can click the link below so that you can join our premium community, where, as in everybody can't go convo's premium member, you have early access to episodes, access to bonus episodes and interviews. And we dive a bit deeper into some of these topics. And you also have chances for giveaways and other resources that are made available to our premium members only. So check out those links in the show notes below. And thank you guys for tuning in to another Everybody Can't Go Convo. We'll see you next week.