Hard vs. Soft RESET

In this episode, Jessi Holley explores the concept of resets—hard versus soft—and how to determine which approach suits your current life season. She emphasizes the importance of assessing capacity, purpose, and emotional readiness before embarking on a reset to ensure sustainability and true transformation.

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And we live. Happy Wednesday and welcome to another Everybody Can't Go Convo. I am your host, Jesse Holly. And this month we are moving into the it's that time. It's that season. It's we're a couple of days into July. And what does everybody talk about in mid year? They start talking about a reset because we halfway through the year. What did you start out saying that you was gonna do in January? How are you doing on those New Year's resolutions? A lot of time, I mean, I've been noticing as I've been scrolling through socials, everybody's like, yeah, yeah, get hard reset. And I'm like, that's aggressive. So I was noticing that even though it's the reset season right now, a lot of times we look at a reset as only a hard reset. You think about what I would call a factory reset. When you think about it in terms of technology, when you do that hard factory reset, it erases everything. Okay? Everything. And I noticed that when we're looking at reset and keeping that in mind, that a lot of times that's glorified. To do that hard reset, an extreme transformation, uh, something similar to like 75 heart. Like I've seen like shortened versions where it's like uh 45 heart, 30 heart, and people are like, no, it doesn't kind of gotta be like 75 heart. And I'm like, look, y'all know that as soon as they said, yeah, no drinking, I was like, mm-mm. Because Jesus and the blood, okay? Me and Wan, we're not gonna part for no 75 days. That's just a lot for me, particularly, um, for me personally, but I digress. So not every season requires that complete overhaul where you are literally just canceling everything left and right. You like, yes, I'm about to do this super hard reset. Is that really what you need? I'm just asking. I'm just checking because I have definitely jumped onto the bandwagon before on one of those super hard resets. And when a friend took me aside and all of the reasons why that person thought that I was, I was just doing this hard reset. And I'm like, yeah, no, ain't nothing wrong with me. It's for the camaraderie. And it's like, wait, why would you do that? And I'm like, because the team, because the community, because for support. And it was like, girl, if you don't, okay, my bad, my bad. I thought I was, I thought I was showing up in solidarity. So I was down for the suffrage with the team. But that was not what I was supposed to be doing. I thought we were all just for the suffrage. We was down for the team. And everybody just went round robbing, like, uh no, I have a specific reason for doing this hard reset. And I'm like, my specific reason was, you know, the crew. So that's something that can uh that can definitely like look at the influence around you. What are you scrolling past? Who are you keeping company with? Uh, who's a part of your community? Why is a hard reset necessary? And that's uh what I want you to pay attention to when you're deciding on whether or not you are in this season going to embark on a reset. So today we're gonna dig into talking about a hard reset versus doing a soft reset. Because what I don't want you to do is you going super hard for no reason or just because you think that's the only way to do a reset when what may suit you better and what may be more fitted for you in this season is a softer, more sustainable reset so that you can create better long-term results. So when you are looking at which approach you should take, I would like for you in this season to consider whether the hard approach or the soft approach is better for you in terms of which one is healthier, which one will create the most sustainability for you for where you are right now, right this second. Now, I'm not saying completely for the rest of forever, right off the hard reset, right off the soft reset, but as we've been working through rebuilding, we've been working through realigning ourselves and paying attention to and honoring where we are at right now so that we can make sure we ain't tearing up ourselves and everything around us on the way. I want you to keep in mind whether or not right now is the season for you to be making a hard reset or a soft reset so that whichever direction you choose, you can make sure that it's something sustainable for you. So if you're at that time in life where you are looking at, like, I want to do a hard reset. I want you to be real with yourself. Are you about to, you about to go 75 hard, and as soon as they 80 uh 76 get here, you like, oh thank God that's over. Now I'm about to go party. I'm not reading nothing else, bump that exercise. Like, what is going to really be sustainable? Because going hard like that for 75 days straight without sustaining it or maintaining it, at least in part, it's great that you accomplished that. But what was the purpose of it if you're just going to stop cold turkey the same way you just started out of nowhere? So, um, my first point for today, uh, I want you to assess the severity of how far you drifted off from your original goal set. So, whether that's your goal set from the top of this year, or if that is your goal set based upon your vision for the uh next chapter of your life, the next season, how how far have you drifted away from the life milestones, the goals that you set? Have you drifted away from your values and your principles? That's gonna take some like have a have a sit down with yourself and really consider. Have you even drifted from your own values and principles because of both external and internal reasons that have been affecting your life? So do note that every setback doesn't necessarily require like an emergency response. You've heard me say before, just because it's an emergency on account of someone else, that doesn't mean it has to become your emergency. Is it actually an emergency? Or is this something that is one level down at being urgent and important? Or is this just something that it holds a level of moderate importance, something that does need to be done? Or dare I say, are you just making up stuff to accomplish at this point? Like, is this something that you really need to examine? Um, is an undertaking that you really need to embark on right now? If it's something that can wait and you're forcing it, just go ahead and wait it out. Be patient. If now is not the time, that's okay. Just because everybody is talking about reset right now. Ironic, right? But just because everybody is talking about resetting right now, that doesn't mean that you have to jump on the bandwagon at this time, especially if you are not ready. Let it be for who it is for. If in this season it's it's not necessarily for you. And then we also have that alternative of you can create a soft reset for yourself that will be sufficient for you in this season. Don't overdo it. Continue your healing, continue rebuilding. Make sure that if in this season, if a soft reset is what you need, then that's the direction you're gonna go. So we have two directions: that hard reset direction or that soft reset direction. You get to choose. So a hard reset might be something for you if you have either completely abandoned your goals, completely fell off the um, fell off the bandwagon, if your habits are like the the bad habits are coming back, and you're noticing some negative ramifications for the negative habits that are coming back. If you're experiencing uh like a any crisis across any of the areas of well-being, so emotional, mental, financial, physical, spiritual, in any of those areas, if you're experiencing any type of crisis or experience a crisis in building your purpose and building your vision, are you like completely going in the opposite direction? Or have you been at a complete standstill for a substantial amount of time? Are you repeating some not so good habits that have now become patterns? Have you let some of those bad habits become destructive patterns? Are you spiraling quickly or slowly out of control? A hard reset might be in play. You'll want to take a look at just doing a soft reset, and I'm not gonna say just doing a soft reset. You may want to look at taking a soft reset if you need to improve your consistency. So you're already doing a thing. Say you want to do six workouts a week and you're only completing three to four. Okay, we have a little bit, little bit of a gap there that you could go ahead and close. So that soft reset may help you to up your consistency a little bit. You might do your do your meal prep on Sundays and you need to do Sundays and Wednesdays so that you can maintain the full week. You may be podcasting and your podcast is supposed to come out every week, but you're like, uh, well, I don't feel like it this week. So you just don't drop an episode. If you simply need better consistency, then the soft reset that will be sufficient for you in this season. Because you don't need to do a complete and total overhaul. We're making smaller, more minor changes so that we can boost what is already there, so we can grow the habits and grow what is already there. Because you have some consistency, but you would like more. If life transitions have temporarily disrupted your routine like a lot, or life transitions have completely thrown off your routine, your regular habits, a soft reset is sufficient. A lot of times we think that during life transitions, especially when things get very difficult across multiple areas of life, that we we get back on track or we get back to our routine by doing a complete heart reset. And that's not necessarily the case. A soft reset is sufficient for getting back on track in a way that remember is sustainable so that you can get back to the new you or get back to you as much as you possibly can. And then also a soft reset is sufficient for if you have been making progress, but your progress is going slower than you would like. Remember, I talked about the difference between being gentle with yourself, having grace with yourself. A hard reset is not for everything. Just because the pace is going slower than you would like for it to, in you easing back into things, or your progress is slower than what you would like. Remember, it's all in somebody's time and then it don't be ours. Woo! I gotta work on that myself. But that is not an indicator of a hard reset. That's an indicator of a softer reset. Because you're already doing the thing, you're already in motion, you just aren't satisfied at the pace of the progress that you're making. And then also if you need to make minor course corrections to get you back on track, that's what we're looking at when we're looking at the hard versus the soft reset. So a lot of times, especially if you are a high achiever or an overachiever, you're going to look at things that are in that soft reset category and you're gonna say, I gotta do a hard reset. We, we are, and it's like, oh, wait a minute, just a sec there. Let's reel it back in. A soft reset is sufficient because you're already in motion, already doing the things. You may not be satisfied with the pace or the frequency, but you are already in motion and working at it, and you're already building consistency. So, what we're doing with the soft reset is building on what's already there, and we are not completely discrediting all of the work that you have been doing so far so that you can slowly rebuild things and get the ball back rolling. So, are you dealing with a detour in life right now, or are you just are you dealing with a complete derailment of of your entire train? Like the the car's all over the place, the train done jumped the track, and everything is in shambles. Which one is it? You can see where one would require that soft reset, and one would require that hard reset. That detour, things are still going, still in motion, albeit slow, and possibly not at the frequency that we would like, but there's a difference between things moving a bit slower, having that detour, and having your plans, your vision, your goals, everything completely derailed and in need of realignment, so that you can begin your movement again and reestablish that consistency. So before you make your final decision on whether or not you need a hard or soft reset, make sure that you check your capacity before you choose the strategy. Because even though you may feel inspired or motivated to go ahead and do the hard reset, because you're like, oh, well, my consistency is it's too little, my progress is too little. I want to go ahead and jump in on this hard reset. Does your capacity right now allow for you to handle a hard reset? That's a yes or no question. If you gotta hesitate, then the answer is no. That is okay. Right now, honor your capacity so that you have a greater chance of success and a greater chance of sustainability with what you're about to embark on by honoring right this second, do you have the emotional capacity, the mental capacity, the physical capacity, the financial capacity, and the spiritual capacity for you to embark on a hard or soft reset. Right now, even the soft reset may not be for you if it is still time for sit down and heal, if it is still time for tune into the podcast every week, share it with a friend so that you can discuss it, like and comment below. Make sure you hit subscribe. But also, it's time for you to get on your phone, on your laptop, and schedule your visit with a licensed clinician as well. If it's still healing time for you, if it's still the healing season, or if you're in that space where healing and rebuilding are overlapping, soft and hard reset might not be for you right now. Just because it's quote unquote reset season, remember we talk about this at the top of every year. Even though you're writing the vision, rewriting the vision, setting your goals for the year, just because a lot of people do it in quote unquote the season, just because this is reset for many, reset season for many, doesn't mean it has to be reset season for you. Sometimes you will need to take a different path. You may need to reset at a different time. And it is very possible that your time for reset may be in a couple months from now or at the top of the year. Who knows? So make sure that you check that capacity to be sure that this is even something that you need to embark on right now and be honest with yourself so that you aren't wasting your time turning your own wheels, trying to force something that is going to happen in the future and maybe the near future. But if if right now isn't the time, don't let all of that pressure and everything that they say about the time being right now. If you honestly and truly in your heart of hearts know that right now you aren't going to be able to sustain that, don't jump on and try to force yourself into it. When right now your uh your your energy and your resources need to be directed elsewhere uh in another space in life that you do need to finish, you need to wrap up in that season. So when you're looking at that, that hard reset, we talked about those five areas of do you have that capacity for a hard reset or a soft reset right now? A lot of people choose that extreme route, that hard route, because they're frustrated. They're like in a certain emotional state, they're in a certain mental state, not necessarily because they're actually prepared for a hard reset. Now, I know I say do it scared. For those of you who you know that right now is not do-it scare at a time for you, don't go jump into it knowing you don't add a capacity for a hard reset and say, well, Jesse said that I need to just do it scared. Mm-mm. Don't don't put my phrases together in the wrong order. No, no, and no. However, if you are one of those folks that you're prepared, you thinking about dipping that pinky toe and you like, you double dutching a little bit. I don't know. I don't know. If if you got that kind of feeling, no, now that's the do-it-scare crew. So y'all don't get to hide amongst the folks that this is not their season for a reset. If you're thinking about it and you double dutching on it and it is your season for a reset, I need you to look at the two options of hard or soft. And again, that is if you are prepared, mentally prepared, emotionally prepared, financially prepared, physically prepared, spiritually prepared. So consider are you recovering from grief? Are you recovering from burnout? Are you recurring, recurring, are you recovering from an illness, whether that's physical or mental? And or are you in a major life transition? Are you already overwhelmed by everything and you are headed towards burnout? Do you have support and accountability or access to support and accountability? This is where you might have to check in on those finances. So do you honestly have access to support and accountability? Does that require you for does that require for you to be financially in a specific position so that you can access and tap into that? And are you choosing this plan out of wisdom because it is time for you to move? Or are you just desperate for something different? Are you just tired of the season that you're in? Are you just tired of feeling in the w the way that you're feeling? All of those are things that you need to ask yourself because that heart reset is going to require a high level of discipline, a high level of commitment. Even if you don't have high motivation, that's where that discipline and that commitment kick in when that motivation runs out, and it's gonna require a lot of energy. And sometimes a lot of energy across all five of those categories. This is why I'm having you to check your capacity before you embark on a hard reset. Because if you aren't in proper position before you even get started, it's gonna be even harder to get in position during when you're already embarking on a reset journey that is hard in itself. So a soft reset can be used in place of that hard reset because it's It's something that is a bit more doable and it's it's just that softer. So that we can honor seasons where healing is still occurring, recovery is still occurring, and sustainability is the main priority. After you being the priority. If you are still in need of a lot of self-care, if you are doing any type of rehab, whether that be emotional, mental, or physical, if you are in that rebuilding phase, all of those things take a lot of energy, and all of the energy that you have may be put toward those things. That doesn't mean over exhaust yourself to try to take on doing a hard reset at this time when the soft reset will suffice. So when you okay, when I say be gentle with yourself, I want you to think about in this season, are you ready for a life transformation? And are you looking to transform your life right now? Or are you trying to push yourself from where you feel like you feel too far behind? One of those things is a choice to get to your next level and propel you forward. The other one is you punishing yourself. And you are letting that punishment masquerade as motivation, as positivity, as doing the right thing. Not okay to treat yourself that way. There are certain seasons in life where you don't need to punish yourself for falling behind. A lack of consistency, a lack of motivation, those things can come from when real life happens and you are forced to take that pause in life. That is the time where the pause is followed by intentional healing. Not by just kicking yourself in the pants saying we're about to just get up and get back at it. Not okay. So know the difference between discipline and self-punishment. While there is a place for putting yourself on punishment, yeah, uh, making sure that you have to pay yourself back when you are sticking to a routine, sticking to a plan. Make sure that those punishments that you set up for yourself because you have gone against your own discipline, make sure that you're using that tactic in the right season. You didn't just fall behind for the sake of falling behind, or because you were lazy, because you just didn't feel like it, because you weren't motivated, because you weren't disciplined. When if and when you had a a major trauma in your life, the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, sometimes the loss of a romantic relationship or a very close friendship, some of those things are enough to stop you in your tracks. Taking the time to grieve, heal, and rebuild from that, that doesn't involve the you have to pay yourself back for not getting something accomplished or not getting the thing done. That's when the self-punishment becomes inhumane. You're treating yourself without any grace in the world. Remember that even though we go hard, even if we're high achievers, we are still human. There is a way to make sure that you are healing healthily. That might even be a shirt, y'all. New merch coming soon. But there is a way to heal healthily. And there is a time to use self-punishment and a time not to be using self-punishment. Make sure that you are aware of self-awareness versus self-criticism. If now is the time for you to be kind to yourself, to handle yourself with grace as you are healing and rebuilding, make sure to honor that and do that. If you just fell off the bandwagon because you just fell off or, you know, it was a minor inconvenience or something like that, you know who you are. You can go ahead and give yourself the kick in the pants if it is appropriate. However, if that swift kick in the pants to yourself is not appropriate, don't do that to yourself if it's not the right time. And that's something that you may or may not need to discuss with the coach or your therapist. But I really think that truly in your heart of hearts, you now that I brought it up and I told you to think about it, are you being self-aware or are you being self-critical? I think you can, you kind of know which side of the fence that it falls on. So that you aren't practicing what could become uh self, uh self-harmful behavior in the choices that you make, in the way that you talk to yourself, in the way that you self-talk, in the way that you think about yourself. So a lot of people approach reset with guilt. And you don't, you don't want to walk up to it off about like, oh, well, I wasted too much time. Wasted too much time doing what though? We're not gonna say wasted too much time grieving, wasted too much time going off course because a something traumatic has gone on, or because there was some type of extreme need or a life transition that was out of your control, but you had to handle it. We're not even messing with the I should be further along thought. Bump that because says who. And if somebody did boss up and say it to your face, look at their life. Do they even got a life you want to live? Yeah, I said it, shots fired, and and you don't need to make up for lost time, especially if your time away was because you as a human needed emotional, mental, and physical rest? Don't let that time for you getting that rest, that reset, have having that have been for nothing, because you want to jump straight back into it going hard when you need to jump back into it softly and sustainably, and then work your way back up to going hard. Does that going hard even have a purpose? Because if the purpose is I need to get back into the routine, soft reset is suitable for that. So healthy discipline says I am committed to growth. It doesn't say that I'm committed to doing this at a fast pace, that I'm committed to doing this at a high frequency, that I'm committed to doing more than I have capacity for. Really, now or ever. But I will let y'all go super hard at certain times when you have the capacity to overwork. And that is that is a very, very fine line. Okay. Self-punishment tells you that you have to suffer so that you can earn your growth. That means that you aren't having any regard for your small wins. You aren't having any regard for how do you feel? Do you actually have the capacity to do so? Is it damaging you emotionally, mentally, financially, physically, spiritually to continue with the self-punishment or to continue going down that hard reset path versus, yeah, you'll get the results, but what what are you doing to yourself in the process? What good is it to go through that hard reset and by the time you get everything accomplished, you laid up somewhere connected to God knows what? Because you've pushed yourself beyond capacity. Not just pushed yourself beyond your limits in that good way to get to the next level. Was the next level even a point? Or did you misplace doing that hard reset so that you could get back, quote unquote, back to normal? That's using the wrong tool and the wrong method for what it is that you're trying to accomplish. Our resets are for being intentional, not for being emotional. Just because you you're tired of where you you're at, or because you're trying to escape from those feelings instead of heal from what you're feeling. Soft resets can still be challenging. I mean, a reset in itself, whether it's soft or hard, it's going to be a challenge. It won't enable excuses when you take the soft reset route, but it does honor the capacity you have for how much reset can your life currently handle and sustain a safe amount of pushing without breaking other things in the process. Or getting to the end of the reset, being so drained that now you're burnt out. And honestly, you might end up starting all the way over from the beginning. Or starting from even further back. If you ask me, that is a gigantic, gynormic waste of time. So, what's motivating your desire to reset? Is it growth or is it guilt because you feel like you feel too far behind? Make sure that you assess that and look for alignment. Don't necessarily focus right now on intensity if intensity is not what you currently need, or high intensity if that's not what you need right now. Don't make that the focus. Again, you get to choose. So, which approach is more so aligned with where you are now and who you're becoming? That's why I talked about capacity first, because who you are right now, your capacity may have changed quite a bit from what your capacity was previously. And remember, we're talking about capacity emotional-wise, mental-wise, physical-wise, financial-wise, spiritual-wise. The actual goal isn't to complete the hardest challenge you could possibly complete. Accomplishing the goal is the goal. Depending on what has happened previously to get you to the state that you're in now. Pace, time limits, timelines may have to be adjusted based upon where you are right now. That grand savings goal that you had before you lost your job, that number is going to be affected by the loss of a job, your transition period, and looking for another one, and then redoing your math and your plan that's going to adjust the numbers in a timetable. Don't fight it and try to make an impossible challenge for you to complete. I'm sure that after going through such a loss, it has had an effect on you mentally and emotionally. Hopefully, those mental and emotional effects haven't moved on to being physical effects as well. Because now you have four different areas that you'll need to work on healing, rebuilding, and repair. The goal is transformation. It's not completing the hardest challenge. And if you are insisting on hanging your hat on completing the hardest challenge, I really want you to look inward and ask yourself, why? Why does that even matter to you? Especially if it's not even getting you the transformation that you truly desire. Why is that where you're putting your emphasis? The healthiest reset that you can do is one that you can actually sustain, one that will be that real true transformation that you're able to keep in your life after the challenge is over, after the reset period is over, if you're doing one of these formalized things. And even if you are making your own, creating your own reset, the one that you can sustain and continue to build on, that is the healthiest approach, whether you're going the hard route or the soft route. So you can consider the 75 Horror style challenge if you need more structure, if you are prepared for it, have the capacity for it, and you're ready to embark on that journey. But also a softer 30-day habit reset, that might be more appropriate for you in this season. That might be more sustainable for you at the end of that 30 days. That may be more appropriate for the capacity that you currently have to embark on a reset of any kind. Consider what area of your life do you need a reset in? A relationship reset might be a little bit more important than a fitness reset right now. A financial reset might be a bit more in alignment than a relationship reset for you right now. A mindset reset that is above all most important than any external challenge you have, whether it's financial, fitness-wise, you have to have yourself together first. That mental, emotional, spiritual. You have to have those elements together first before you start worrying about fitness and financial. Especially if you're looking for sustainable continuity. So make sure that you're choosing a reset because it's aligned with your current season, whether you are choosing that soft reset or whether you're choosing that hard reset. Or are you worried about doing a reset right now of any kind just because it's reset season and it's, you know, it's what's popping right now. If that's the reason, let it pop without you. Leave it right there. And continue to focus on the area that you need to focus on the most, in the area where you are in need. Reset will always be here, and you can even run back all of the pods from this reset era. The recordings will be here. You can come back to it when you are ready. Make sure that you honor your capacity. Make sure that you are properly prepared. Make sure that you have the resources to embark on such a journey. And if all of those qualifiers are met, make sure that you have decided whether or not a soft or hard reset is what you truly need in this season. So, a few questions that I have for you guys to consider while you're thinking through whether or not a reset this season or this year, I'll say, is for you. What area of your life is the most out of alignment right now? And is now the right time for you to address trying to fix that? What does fixing it look like? Are you looking for the hard reset because you actually need one right now? Or because you're frustrated with your progress? And a soft reset will suffice. Do you have evidence, resources, and the capacity that prove you're ready for a major hard reset commitment? Take inventory, make you a checklist. There might be some difficult self-assessment that comes with that one. And then finally, what would a healthy soft reset look like for you right now with what you have? Or what would a healthy heart reset look like for you right now? Right now with what you have. Not what you gonna get, not what you what you're gonna have. We are talking about right now, looking at the reality, no matter how beautiful or how how harsh the reality is right now. We're looking at what you have right now, including capacity, energy, motivation, and time. And finances as well, because a reset can definitely involve those. So uh a hard reset is it's not better or worse than a soft reset. A soft reset isn't necessarily easier than a hard one. The right reset for you is the one that helps you become more aligned, the one where you can be intentional, and the one that you can consistently keep building on the version of who you would like to be and building on your vision, and also the one that will give you sustainable and lasting results. Results that you will be able to maintain after the reset period is over. So, one small adjustment might be all you need, or if you are ready to embark on that hard reset or a soft one, make sure that you have considered everything needed so that you can decide which of those categories fits you and what you have right now. Don't push too hard, don't push too little, don't do too much to yourself. But if you had the capacity to do the most. So thank you guys for joining in for another Everybody Can't Go Convo. Please subscribe to the channel for all of my premium members. Please do go ahead and check in, see what goodies I have for you guys in the premium membership portal. And if you're wondering what I'm talking about, go ahead and click the link below so that you can join in as an Everybody Can't Go Convo's premium member. And also check out www.everybody can't go, the number two.com so you can order your copy of Everybody Can't Go, the book that became the brand, this podcast, and now a movement. Make sure you let me know what you think in the comments below. Do you need a hard reset, a soft reset, or it's not time for you to participate in reset season this year? You let me know. Share this episode with someone that you think it can help, or someone who needs to consider whether or not they need a hard or soft reset. And we will see you guys next week as we continue here at the podcast talking about this reset season. We'll see you guys next Wednesday.