You Lost Momentum...Now What? Ep 86

What do you do when your momentum is gone and everything feels stuck?

In this episode of Everybody Can’t Go Convos, we’re talking about how to rebuild after life disrupts your rhythm. Whether you’ve experienced loss, burnout, or a hard season, this conversation will help you stop forcing a comeback and start rebuilding in a way that actually lasts.

You’ll learn why starting small is powerful, how to create a new rhythm that fits your current life, and why losing momentum doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

You’re not starting over—you’re starting from experience.

#PersonalGrowth #HealingJourney #FeelingStuck #EverybodyCantGo

Check out Author Activation Weekend at MyAuthorWeekend.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

And we live. Happy Wednesday and welcome to another Everybody Can't Go Convo. This is a live live Everybody Can't Go Convo. I'm your host, Jesse Holly, and thank you guys for tuning in while we're live on a late Wednesday night. I know a lot of you guys join in and listen in or watch on Thursday mornings and on Fridays and Saturdays. But for those of you who decided to stay up late with me tonight so that you can see this live, thank you for joining on. So um it's it's been a minute. It's been a minute, it's been a while. Hopefully, you guys enjoyed the interview last week with one of our favorite guests, Melty, who is um a shout out to her and shout out to the author activation weekend, which is coming up in April. If you missed that episode, go ahead and click back one and make sure that you uh click the information in the show notes. If you want to find out what is this author activation weekend all about, it's an author intensive and one that I hold near and dear to my heart because not only am I going to be teaching at that author intensive during the weekend, I also am a product of her programming. So I have written a book based upon her previous program, and you can find some of the same information if and when you tune in to last week's episode, and also go ahead and click those links so that you can check out the author activation weekend coming up this spring. Wait, it's already spring. I actually forgot. Somebody reminded me on the day of, and it's like, oh yeah, by the way, it's the first day of spring. It completely slipped my mind. Y'all know that I live for summer, and I hadn't even thought about the shift to the springtime because the way that the weather has been acting, a fool. On hell. And you know what? I can't even say that because I've been in three different regions in the span of a month. All three of them acted up in the north, the mid, mid-area, and in the southwest. So it's not just east of the Mississippi that this thing's been acting up. But for today, let's go ahead and get into it. So I wanted to talk to you guys about losing momentum and what that looks like. What does that actually mean for you? And does it mean what you think it means? And I mean, in my own life journey, because you know, life be life, and with all the things, all the things, all the things, I'm like, dang, I lost my momentum, what to do. So, you know, I always say coaches need coaches, and I was like, self, self safe. And I'm like, what would you say to someone else? And so it took me a sec to really think about what are some of the things that I would tell one of you guys if you were to pop in and like, hey, Jess, so look, that's how I'm feeling right now about work, business, my workout routine, my goal setting, my goal chasing, my anything it was that you started but didn't finish, and you lost that momentum along the way for whatever reason. So I'm gonna take you through some real steps so that you can start again because the point is getting to the goal and getting to the goal in a way that is sustainable for you, not just getting that thing or chasing it down at we can chase it down at all costs, but I need for those costs to not be detrimental to you while you are going through the thing. So I only got three points for y'all today. Y'all know that I like my little bulleted list so that I can stay off of my soapbox and not go off on a whole tangent, but I'm not gonna tell y'all that the bulleted list will save y'all tonight, but I'll try my best anyway. So the first thing that I thought of was that momentum isn't technically lost, it's just pause and redirecting energy. Your momentum is only truly lost if you allow it to, like if life slows you down, if you need to take a pause, if you need to pivot, if any of those things happen, but you just you throw your hands up and you like, you know what, bump it. I'm not, I'm not doing it no more. Technically, that's the only way that you lose momentum when you choose to give up permanently. So, really, you're just taking a pause. And I've talked to you guys in the past about embracing the pivot. Now, y'all know sometimes I say I be talking to myself because I have to listen, I gotta eat my own cooking. It doesn't necessarily feel good every time that you have to embrace that pivot, but that doesn't change the fact that you can't just give up and all of the hard work that you put in, just let it scatter to the wind because you are choosing to let a life disruption just let you uh just cause you to be like, you know what, I'm gonna throw my hands up and I'm not picking this thing back up. So sometimes it can feel like everything that you built so far is gone. But notice the word I use, it can feel like everything that you've done so far is is it's gone. It feels like you lost all of it. But the momentum doesn't disappear, it shifts. Now, for you to continue using that energy, you have to embrace that pivot area, embrace that there is a shift and don't rush it. Y'all know I'm good for rushing. Look, you talking to a flight attendant pilot here, okay? 99 and 98. So if you know anything about shameless plug to the flight assessment 2.0, if you know anything about the flight assessment, you know that flight attendants and pilots, we are quick, quick, quick, quick. We are on fast pace. So the shift, you can't you can't make a 90-degree turn going 90 miles an hour. So that's one of those places where I'm like self self-like girl. And I'm like, look, we have to slow down, and we have to make this shift and make some calculations there too. Because when life disrupts you and things start to slow down and things are shifting, you can attempt to just go full steam ahead and think that you're just gonna plow through, but usually that's not really gonna work out the way that you thought. So I would like to tell you to reframe how you look at it. Instead of saying losing momentum, I want you to look at it as being interrupted. Now I know sometimes we still don't like to be interrupted in the middle of what we're doing, in the middle of what we're saying, in the middle of what we're experiencing or whatever, but an interruption means that on the other side of that, there is a continuation of what it was that you were doing. When you choose to embrace the thought or to go with the mindset of lost momentum, that means that there's a higher chance of you being willing to just let the thing go and don't pick it back up, don't restart. So just consider it being an interruption. Different life events often force us to have to recalibrate. That recalibration, you know, I always say you get to choose. This is where the choice is. You don't get to choose when life events interrupt life. That's why life be life in. You can be hit or struck by grief, burnout, financial setbacks. It could be a whole myriad of things. And even though we, you know, we do, we go hard around here, okay? Because we get into the goals, we get into the we get into the bag, we get into all the things. While going on about that way, we still cannot control whether or not some of those life events come and smack us in the face. What we can control and what we do get to choose is how we respond to them. Part of that response is accepting that you may be in a season of forced recalibration. I know we don't like being forced to do something. We don't like to be forced to do things we don't want to do. But remember those life events, especially grief and burnout. And with the state of the economy right about now, y'all know this is not a political podcast, but look outside, look at your situation. I know you're one degree away from someone who's been affected by what's going on right now. Roll through your phone or any social media outlet, turn on the news for those of you who watch it. Which, if you hear and you've been listening, you shouldn't be watching the news. But I digress and I'll I'll I'll allow it because sometimes there's so much information to get you you need it. So, okay, fine, allow it. But when you're looking at all of these different setbacks that are out of our control, we have to refocus inward and on what we do get to choose so that we can make the choices that are the best for ourselves and our loved ones. So when you are looking at picking up after that interruption, whatever it was, don't try to pick up where you left off. And why did I roll my eyes when I said it? Because I tried it. Not just this time, I tried it multiple times. Let me just pick back up where I left off. When there's a major life disruption or a major life event that happens, sometimes picking up where you left off is not the best option. And sometimes it's not an option at all. Sometimes the interruption that you have gone through, it changes your circumstances, changes the set of resources that you have available. Your energy can be different. And by energy, I don't mean like your vibes and everything. I don't mean just your mindset. I mean your energy is in your actual energy levels that you have when you're returning to or attempting to pick back up the thing that you put down. Sometimes you're gonna have to work your way back up to that high energy, high intensity level. When we're talking about the physical body, if you haven't worked out for three months or something like that, you aren't going to just pick back, pick the weights back up where you left the last time you went to the gym 90 days ago. If you had to go through physical therapy, they're not just gonna say, Oh, you you were injured a week ago, you're here today. We're gonna go ahead and start, we're putting 45-pound plates on both sides of the bar. You matter of fact, put three of them. That is not how you jump back into things. So it's the same thing for as we're getting back into things that involve our mental, emotional um state, not just our physical state. So I want you to reframe your mind. You're not starting over, you're resuming, and you aren't picking up where you're left, where you left off. You're starting from experience, and that is okay. It may feel like the momentum is gone, but it's actually just being rebuilt in a different direction. And as long as you can embrace that, you'll be able to move with what your new normal may become, and or you'll be able to hit that slow start so that you're able to get back to where you were, but don't try to just jump, jump straight back into the deep end. We need to make sure that we've built ourselves back up to the point where we're able to handle it so that we sustain it. So, this is the part that I really, really ain't like it, y'all. I really ain't like it. Start smaller than what your ego is comfortable with. So this goes back to don't start, don't try to just restart from where you left off. A lot of times we aren't ready. Sometimes we just at the time we're not capable. And also something else to consider is that may not be the best option for the state that you're in right now or for the the season that you're in right now, after you've had a forced pause in your life or to your your plans, your um and chasing your goals, any of those different things. So that's one of the biggest pitfalls is trying to come back at full speed when that's not the best option for you. And a lot of times, if you really think about it, why do we need to go full throttle as soon as we come back? Why force ourselves to come back going 100 miles an hour before we're actually ready? That's an ego thing. That is it's nothing but pride. That's it. You can return to full speed at an incline. You don't have to force yourself to come in blazing, doing the most. Let yourself be eased back into it. Ease yourself back into it. You don't have any pressure to prove that you're still the person that you were before, or you, you know, I gotta show them I can bounce back. No, you don't. I'm pointing at the sign, y'all. Everybody can't go, and the people around you that if they've said or done things that make you feel like you gotta still be that person and just pretend like ain't nothing happened, pretend like you haven't had a setback, pretend like you haven't had situations or things that have affected you deeply, just pretend like you weren't burnt out, pretend like you're done grieving, like, oh no, I'm cool, I'm good, I'm good. Getting back to that, I'm fine. How many episodes have we talked about that? If there are people in your midst that you have to go above and beyond so that you can prove that you're still that person when the fact of the matter is you're not, you may have been changed a bit, you may have been changed a lot. You don't have to prove that you're still that person. And plus, if you hear, that's not the point anyway. Growth is the point. So if you are actually growing, you shouldn't be the same exact person anyway. Even if you're at the point where you just allowed yourself to go through it and you haven't grown through it yet, that's cool. You still don't have to try to revert backwards so that you can show up and still be in that person. When you start small, you can build consistency faster than going big and just trying to jump straight back into the thing. When you ignore all the warning signs and everything and you just jump straight back into the thing, sometimes biting off a bit more than what you can chew, it causes you to go right back through the same cycle of, you know what, uh, I'm about to just do everything again. Just like your physical body can burn, burn out, or your physical body will just be like, mm-mm, no, we can't pick up that weight like we could three months ago. Both your mental and emotional stability will also tell you the same thing. Hey, not ready yet. Hey, I need a little more time. Hey, I'm a little rusty at this. Hold on, let's let's ease back into this. And the reason why I want you to ease back into it, starting small and building back up to where you left off is so that you can become re-acclimated and you can also account for the things that need to change in your routine, the things that need to change in how you approach things, and also so that all of those small spaces where you do have to embrace the pivot, and all of those small spaces where you do have to recalibrate, you have the space and the time to make those adjustments in real time. Not trying to jump straight back in, picking up exactly where you left off, and then finding out every day or every other day, you have to make another tweak and another tweak and another tweak, which is more disruptive because you're trying to re-enter into a system that was built on a different set of controls at the time that you were doing it. And so when you're starting small, even if you do have to do a small recalibration or make a slight tweak day by day, it's easier to build up into what your new normal or build up into your new system based upon your current needs, your current set of resources, and you're also able to build and live your life around the loss, your grief, any of the setbacks that you may have encountered. And also so that if you are returning from a burnout state, you don't put yourself right back into burnout because all of the things that burned you out in the first place, have you even weeded those things out of your routine, out of your life to make sure that you don't end up back in that same situation? So let go of urgency and choose sustainability.

unknown 18:49

Yuck!

SPEAKER_00 18:50

That's how I feel even saying that out loud. And the reason why I say that is because I don't like it. I don't like it. I want to jump straight back into things, I want to get right back to it. Let's try to catch up. But if it were a friend sitting down asking me what they should do, that's absolutely not what I would recommend to somebody that I care about. I would tell them that, okay, I know this thing feels urgent, but give it some time. Work your way back up. While you're rebuilding, don't build on sand. Rebuild on a solid foundation. Make sure that everything you are working so hard to rebuild, you don't rush it so much that you end up later having to rebuild it yet again because you were in such a rush to get back to it. It is highly likely that the thing that you're trying to get back to no longer exists, or at least in that state that you left it in originally. So choosing sustainability will, in the long run, save you on time, it will save you on additional resources, it will save you on using your energy at the highest quality instead of wasting the quantity of your energy. And you'll be able to enjoy the spoils of whatever it is that you're going after when you build in that slow, slower, sustainable way. Now, when I say moving slower, I'm not saying let's get analysis paralysis and let's just keep looking at it, looking at it, looking at it before we jump back into things. But I'm just saying when you jump back in, just dip your baby toe. Don't we not sure if we can if you know we can't swim a marathon or a I don't know what it's called for swimming, but we we can't do the triathlon yet. We we might need to ease into the water, don't just jump off and dive in. We we're not sure yet. So, some examples of what you can do when you are choosing sustainability and you're easing back into things to make sure that as your momentum is picking back up, that you're able to continue that upward trajectory, that positive trajectory as you're going. Sometimes it might require uh shorter work sessions than what you previously were able to handle. And those shorter work sessions, that's okay. Just because the sessions are shorter doesn't mean that you won't be able to handle shorter sessions more frequently. So, where you may have been able to previously sit for four hours straight and just bang out a bunch of work towards your goal, you might need to do 60 minutes at a time. You might need to do 30 minutes at a time. You may need to take more frequent, frequent breaks. That doesn't mean that you're not going to get that four hours worth of work done. But when you're easing back into it, you may not be able to do all four hours back to back like you used to. And that's okay. It's still going to get done. And those shorter work sessions, they don't even have to equal out to that four hours. Right now, in this season, is four hours going straight toward that thing? Is that what you really even need? Or do you need to go ahead and take just two hours a day, just one hour a day? Do you even need to time yourself on it at all? Or would it be better for you to just choose a task and work at it until you're like, okay, self? Self-safe. That's enough for right now. That's enough for today. We can resume tomorrow and see if we can do a little bit more tomorrow. Work a little bit longer tomorrow. But returning as if nothing happened, and you think that you're just gonna pop back in it. Mm-mm. Just, I mean, you could try it if you want to. Test out my theory. You know, I don't tell you stuff that I haven't tried myself. I tried it. Mm-hmm. So, shorter work sessions. If you need to, as always, recommend it. Shout out to Mel T. Do your brain dump. Choose one task from that brain dump instead of 10. The same way that we may require and may need shorter work sessions. You may also need to take on less tasks simultaneously. This is so that you're able to focus, is so that you can actually restart all of those different balls that you were juggling before life forced to pause, before you lost that momentum, before you were interrupted because you didn't lose that momentum, you were just interrupted. But before that interruption, you were able to, let's say, work on four projects at a time. When you're returning and getting back into this thing slow, you may need to just focus on one or two projects. No, everything else needs to be done. I know all of this other stuff is sitting, waiting, and it's just staring at you. Saying, pick me, pick me, pick me. Prioritize, of course, and just pick one or two. Because what's going to end up happening, if you try to force it to come back to all four, you're going to drop the ball on all four of them. Because mentally, emotionally, physically, you may not be able to handle all of that. We're easing back into it so that when we ease back in, we can stay in. We're not trying to Jalen Rose it out here and just I'm 60%. Put me in, coach. Please calm down. Don't re-injure yourself. Give it some time and just ease in. This is the one that's hard for me to choose one task instead of 10 of them. Grinds my gears. But you know what also grounds my gears? Was making the attempt to jump back into, okay, well, maybe not 10 things, but I'ma push it, I'm gonna do eight. I had to take another step back and recalibrate. What would have saved me the time. And actually, I may have gotten more tasks done. Just pick one. Come back in on one. See how you fare with finishing that one task and then add additional tasks from there. And also, it's okay to show up being imperfect. The people who truly care about you and your well-being, they're looking for you anyway. They're looking for you to show up sad, they're looking for you to show up angry, they're looking for you to show up in whatever state it is that you're in so that they have the space and opportunity to love on you. That's it. People who truly care, they aren't looking for you to show up so that they can ask you for something else. Sometimes just seeing your face, hearing your voice, your presence is that's what they want. That's what will make them happy because they're genuinely wanting to check on you. Make sure that you don't shy away from showing up imperfectly because you're still focused on that ego thing, still focused on that pride thing. It's okay to take time to yourself, it's okay to isolate for a finite amount of time, but make sure that those who truly love and care about you make sure that you make time to show up in your imperfection for those people. Because when you're showing up, quote unquote, for them, I'm doing the finger quotes. Really, that's the time where you're showing up for you and allowing them to be a blessing during your time of need. This isn't just a one-way street. But how can mutual mutualism occur if you're not letting it happen when it's your time to need someone else? So that consistency is what rebuilds momentum, not intensity. Right now, it's not time to turn up the intensity. Right now is the time to just focus on rebalancing that consistency to get to that thing. Now, I'm not saying that we can't turn up the intensity later, once we get back into the swing of things, but for right now, focus on the consistency and also remember to focus on you're building a new normal. You are recalibrating. There are tweaks and a few different changes that you need to make. Even if the only change that you're making is to your timeline, that also is going to require a change in your expectations of yourself and others who are involved in whatever it is that you are going about to accomplish. But choose consistency now. We will add the intensity when we're ready. We'll add that back in later. And then my final point rebuilding your rhythm before you rebuild your results. I talked a lot about recalibration, about making those small tweaks, making those adjustments. When you are looking at measurements, momentum isn't just about the overall output. There are several inputs to the output that you're expecting. So we're talking about rhythm, cadence, energy, your flow, your resources. All of those things go into building momentum and the momentum that you had in the first place that you were so worried about losing, which you didn't lose it. You were just interrupted. But with that interruption, when we're looking at what your new output is going to be, we also have to account for what is your new rhythm, what is your new routine at the state that you're in right now, what are the new things that are required, or what are the changes that are required in your day-to-day? You have to be honest with yourself about that so that you can truly have a successful recalibration so that you're able to embrace that pivot and continue toward that goal. Sometimes your pace is going to have to change. That's one of the big things that we talked about. If you were being really intense, you were full speed ahead, slow it down. Because traveling real fast in the wrong direction, or what has become the wrong direction, or traveling real fast and re-burning yourself out, where you're going to have to come to another full stop again. You didn't want to have a full stop the first time. Imagine running into another brick wall. That is gonna piss you off, especially when you look back at how you got there the second time, the third time, the fourth time, and you like, you know what, self, and self be like, Well, Jesse tried to tell you, just take a second. And when I say take a second, it's longer than a second. And my other flight attendants and my other pilots, y'all know what I mean by that. Whew, because it is a lay struggle. I know that my GCs and my ATCs, y'all are like, oh, take some extra time. Yes. Shout out to y'all. Because were it not for the ACCs and the GCs in my life, look, the way that I would just be like, yes, we back at it full throttle. No, we're not. Let's not do that so that we can make sure that the momentum that we're rebuilding, that we're able to keep that momentum and not like, you know, at least can we have a nice little flow to it, not a very staccato up and down, just it's it's disruptive. Let's not disrupt ourselves after life has already brought us a disruption. The new rhythm, the new pace, the new needs that you have, your new normal, all of those things are requiring you to pay attention to what you need as you are recalibrating and getting back into the swing of things so that it can be realistic for your new normal. All of those things that have changed in your life or that are currently still changing, that's something else that you have to account for. Make sure that your new rhythm, your new routine, that it feels realistic. I know for some things and in some cases, we could just make it up. But when you're looking at your new normal and getting your momentum back, you can't fly just be flying off the handle every day. You like, yes, I'm just gonna wake up every day and just make it up. Remember, you're already in a fragile state. You're already grieving, you're already figuring out how to get out of that financial hole. You're already trying to make sure that you get your zen, you do your binarial beats, that you meditate because you don't want to be in that burned-out state again. So make sure that you are actually embracing and accepting, whether you like it or not, because sometimes, yes, it does feel like it sucks. But you know what else sucks? Feeling like you've lost that momentum and living in that mental space. And also claiming that for yourself as opposed to accepting that this was an interruption for you. An interruption where on the other side of that interruption, you can't pick things back up. You can't continue, just continue at that slower pace. And make sure that you are listening to your energy levels. Again, we're trying to go forwards, not backwards. And that's overall. We don't want to sprint forward and have we done took 10 steps forward, but got to take eight steps backwards because we were so worried about taking 10 steps in one day. Wouldn't you rather take 10 steps in 10 days or in 10 weeks? One step at a time, and at the end of that time period, you are actually all 10 steps ahead, as opposed to rushing through 10 steps ahead, but you have to be set back eight of those. At the end of the day, you only took two steps, and with those two steps being your end result, if you're exhausted to have gotten there, how does that actually help you? Other than being able to say, I'm busy, I'm booked, I'm back at it. Yeah, that was cool for a time, but it wasn't sustainable to jump back in that way. So make sure that you're listening to your energy, that you are paying attention to your new needs, and being okay with those shorter sessions, being okay with choosing that one or two things, being okay with showing up imperfectly, put your ego and your pride in your pocket. Just go ahead and put it up. Now ain't the time for it. Now is the time for healing and regaining that momentum in a sustainable way so that once you get the momentum back, you can keep it and keep going. Once you keep it and keep going, then we can up that intensity and then we can start back going hard. Then we can go back to start looking for those quantum leaps and redoing it big now. Okay. But make sure that you're doing it in order. So when you finally do get back to that old rhythm, if that is what serves you, getting back to that old rhythm, sometimes your completely new rhythm is what's needed from here going forward. But when you get back to a state of pace, of results, of flow, of maintaining that energy that you're comfortable with, the results will follow. You will see the results. It may not be as fast as you want, but it can be exactly as you want to want it to become or be, as long as you take your time and don't force it. So you don't bounce back by rushing, you bounce back by rebuilding. And when you're rebuilding one aligned step at a time, and you're rebuilding with your new normal in mind, and you're rebuilding with your current energy levels, your current lifestyle, your current state, when you're rebuilding with those things in mind, sustainability becomes a thing. It becomes your new normal when you get back into it slowly but surely and not overworking yourself. Don't overwhelm yourself. There's enough things in this world that will come to overwhelm you. Don't do it to yourself. As you know, since everybody can't go, don't let other people overwhelm you while you are in the season of getting past that interruption, bouncing back, and rebuilding that momentum and getting back into going after your goals and building those things that you have worked so hard so far to get to. Everything's just sitting there on pause, waiting until you are ready and able to start picking up the pieces and picking up the balls one by one and take your time with doing that. So I want to thank you guys. Let me know what you think in the comments. As always, my DMs are always open. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns that you don't want the rest of the public to see. But if it doesn't matter to you, go ahead and drop a comment in the comment section. If this episode is something that you think it would help somebody else, go ahead and send it over to them. Send them the link. And when you send it, tell them to go ahead and hit that subscribe button. We like it when your friends hit subscribe. Fameless plug to self. And as always, go ahead in those show notes. You can find links to any of the things that I've talked about today. Oh, and today I didn't do the disclaimer, so let me do it now. I am not a mental health professional. I am just telling you the things that I have done. So if you do need to seek professional mental health advocacy or counseling, do do that on your own accord. And until then, this has been another Everybody Can't Go Convo. And we will see you guys next week or on the flip side. Who knows? I will let me rebuilding from the interruption decide. So I'm gonna eat my own cooking, I'm gonna practice what I preach, and I will see you guys on the next Everybody Can't Go Convo.